Don’t Waste Your Pain

That catchy phrase was the title of this past weeks church talk or sermon. Sermon just sounds so formal and bossy. Usually when any of our pastors are speaking it just seems like they are talking like they normally do. As in nothing too formal or bossy and they aren’t screaming, “if you don’t accept Jesus into your heart right now and you die tomorrow you will burn in hell.” Anyway I digress.

Two weeks ago the message was don’t waste your words and you should lift others up instead of gossiping and complaining. All that did for me was make me realize how much I do both and I don’t think I have cut down on either. I will always be a work in progress.

A few weeks back I received devastating information and I became really upset and told God to F off for a while. Yes I really did throw the F bomb at him and told him to go away. I kept thinking of  Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. I also called that the biggest bunch of BS I have ever read. Yes, I was in a horrible place.

I talked to my mom about it and I remembered that verse is from the Old Testament. You know before Jesus showed up. Then a day or two later this popped into my head

John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

I wish I could say I knew the chapter and the verse where these came from but I don’t. I know a ton of bible verses but not the chapter and verse. There is this website I use called http://www.biblegateway.com that I learned about from the Pastors at my church. Anyway, I was still pretty mad at God and my next thought was why don’t you just end this freaking experiment already and have Jesus return. He never listens to me.

Painful things lead to one of two things, you either become bitter or better. I remember all those years ago when everyone prayed for my nephew and he lived just six short hours. I had that choice to make and I chose better. I could have stayed in the burn unit and been hateful and unhappy but instead I went to women’s health where I took care of moms who had lost their baby. I did some different things for them over the years. I shared my sister in laws story. I use to give out a CD that a friend of mine had made. I made a bunch of pillows and would put the foot prints on them with the baby’s name and birthdate. (Andrew’s nurse took the pillow I had cross stitched with his name and put his foot prints on it.)  Recently I got super carried away and crocheted about forty blankets so the program is well stocked for a while.

I’m not as mad as I was. After Herc was finished speaking on Sunday I told God he could come back around again. He knows I’m crazy and he made me this way, so he shouldn’t expect anything different. Hopefully I am as entertaining to him as I am everyone else.

Mole Moral~ It’s ok to NOT be ok, it’s NOT ok to stay that way.

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