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Before the morning ~ Josh Wilson

I’ve really had to own this song lately. Hey God if you are reading this CR is ready to move onto better times!

Do you wonder why you have to feel the things that hurt you?
If there’s a God who loves you where is He now?
Or maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening to bring a better ending
Someday, somehow you’ll see, you’ll see

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing?
‘Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

So hold on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
‘Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends
And you know where you’re going
You just don’t know how you’ll get there so say a prayer

And hold on ’cause there’s good for those who love God
But life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time
But you’ll see the bigger picture

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing?
‘Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

So hold on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
‘Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

Yeah, yeah, before the morning
Yeah, yeah

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade to memory, memory, memory, yeah

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing?
‘Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing?
‘Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

Come on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
‘Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the hurt before the healing
Oh, the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning

Yeah, yeah, before the morning
Yeah, yeah, before the morning

Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/josh-wilson/before-the-morning-lyrics/#TtprC1X7li0HKkMy.99

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Random things from today

1. Forest park is really confusing. Even with GPS Allyson and I felt like we were driving in circles.

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2. The corpse flower didn’t smell that bad to me. However it was so gross Allyson said it gave her a headache and smelled like dirty butt. I guess after being a nurse for 26 years, I can block anything out.

3. My friends mom wake was this evening. I was lost in forest park for so long, I had two choices go as I was in shorts and a t-shirt or skip it. I chose to go because in the long run who cares what I looked like. Mrs. Braun was an awesome lady who I loved dearly. She was always kind and funny and I will really miss her.

4. A couple of weeks ago when Allyson and I were driving to art camp someone was on the side of the road homeless. I didn’t have a dime on me. I told her if I saw that person¬†again I would give money. Today there was a guy standing there. I had a ten and a twenty so I took the ten out yelled excuse me and handed it to him. He looked at me and said this is a ten-dollar bill. I said I know. He said are you sure. I said yes you use it. He thanked me and said he was going to get lunch. As I drove away smiling I thought even if he uses it for smokes or drugs I do not care. Addiction sucks! And if he does use it for food how awful of me to ignore him because I assumed he was a smoker, drinker or druggee!

5. My mom has decided to do a second blog and since I’m not so crabby tonight I’m going to sign in for her and see if I can’t set it up.

6. I am so thankful I am going back to work tomorrow. It will be good to be back.

7. And for all you doubting Thomas’s my car indeed passed inspection with only mirror! Rock on!

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Anyone got a cigarette? Anyone?

Today has been by far one of the worst technology days ever. It all started last night with my decision to restore Kayla’s windows computer to factory settings. I bought her a refurbished mac before I went to camp. Well the old Windows computer got stuck at 12% restore. So this morning I spent two hours on the phone with tech support to find out the hard drive had crashed and burned. I spent 800 on it and another 300 to replace the screen. Well they wanted 250 to replace the hard drive. By this time I had zero filter left and I said “No way. I will throw this piece of shit in the trash and buy a Mac.” This makes the fourth Windows computer hard drive that I have had crash. I am finished with anything with windows. I have no intention of buying Allyson a mac until she is a senior in high school. It would have been nice for her to have the windows for her games but such is life. So we will continue to fight over mine.

I had finally finished that disaster up and was headed out the door to walk the dog when Emily calls. Her Mac was asking for some keychain password and wouldn’t run. I said look text Bob across the street, I cannot deal with this. She finally figured out the password but just now said its acting up. I said make an appointment with the apple store. Your computer is under warranty and again I can’t deal with this. Factor in Allyson and I driving all over looking at cakes and then trying to remember which cake is which and I’m thinking I could smoke an entire carton of cigarettes straight. The worst part was I couldn’t figure out where this one cake was located. Allyson takes one look at it and says its the back of the cake in the previous picture. I should have just offed myself right then. However I think tomorrow we will find a few more.

Oh and in the middle of this I call my mom thinking I could easily set up a second blog for her and that turns into total frustration on both ends so we decided we will work on that tomorrow. She finished the family story (www.whenthechurchbellsrang.wordpress.com) and now all her friends want her to keep writing. She’s going to start another called class of 66 but change the names to protect the guilty (like herself-after all she’s the one that got expelled from history class and had to repeat). I will let her tell those stories.

Oh and how can I forget about the camp CD. Someone restored the download code. I put it in and again nothing would download to my computer. So I still don’t have the camp music! Tomorrow will be a better day!

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Herc’s Facebook post about relationships

Some amazing wisdom in this morning’s session on relationships. Here is a summary…
For guys:
1. Love Jesus (if you cannot follow then you for sure won’t be able to lead)
2. Protect your heart (if you don’t care about your own then you will definitely not care about a girl’s)
3. Get your life in order. (get a job, take your studies seriously, don’t be an underachieving party machine)
4. Say yes to the dress (date with marriage in mind…if you can’t do that then don’t date)

For Girls:
1. Love Jesus
2. Live from your beauty. (you are created in the image of God…you are fearfully and wonderfully made…you are a treasured daughter of the King…when you look in the mirror tell yourself these things)
3. Close the pawn shop. (you are valuable so quit giving cheap discounts)
4. Stock the fridge. (guys gather at homes where the fridge is filled with food…make the guys pursue you…as opposed to a watergirl(boy) who goes around looking for thirsty people)

For All:

1. Am I becoming the right man or woman for someone else?
2. Our hearts should be so hidden in God that a man or woman has to pursue God in order to find you.

Great honesty, openness, and wisdom from camp this morning!

 

I forget anyone can read these so let me tell you just a little about Herc. His real name is Robert but when he was a baby he laid with his arms up and received the nickname Herc from his family. He is second pastor in command after his brother Tom. He is one of the funniest, nicest people I have ever met!

If just one person found this helpful it will be so worth all the technology drama I went through just to paste this onto this blog. In the end it was fairly easy. However, as usual I was trying to do it the hard way. That would be the story of my life!

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On the bus again

I am typing this while on the way home. We should hit Arnold around two or so. I’m not really positive because if I ask Dan (our fearless bus leader and my favorite kid) he will say two and a half hours! Earlier most of the bus was sleeping so Dan gets on the microphone and yelled (hey or hello or something) and scared the crap out of the entire bus and then says “oh did I say that loud?” ¬†I cracked up laughing and thought he would fit right in on a mole family car trip.

Dans little stunt reminded me of my sophomore year in high school. I had missouri history sixth hour in second wing. Back then only first wing had air conditioning. It was so hot most of the class was sleeping including me. Well the teacher dropped his textbook from desk height and screamed everybody wake up. It scared the crap out of all of us and we got a lecture for sleeping. Heat + History + Momotone teacher = coma type sleep.

Ive had a blast this week. One kid that I’ve seen all three years came for a bandaid and I looked at him and said not you again, you are a walking disaster. I told another girl she was going to die. She looked at me like I was crazy and I said well eventually because everyone dies. Another girls middle finger was swollen from being shut in a door. I told her to walk around hold up her middle finger and ask if it was swollen. And I wonder why I don’t lead kids but am the nurse.

Mole moral of the day. I use humor as comic relief. All those kids were cracking up and not so upset about their injuries. I have a humor gift and I decided it’s high time I use it. Now to figure out when we will be home.

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God, why don’t you do something?

imageI did. I created you! (Lyrics by Matthew West’s song “Do Something”. Every year at camp, Big Stuf comes up with a way for the kids to do something big. Last year they donated money and they got a picture of the kid who got a bible with the money they donated. Kayla has her kids picture in her mirror. This year was compassion international and sponsoring kids from Haiti. My first year at camp they also did compassion. I did not sponsor a kid at camp but that fall one of the kids from my church had a compassion sponsorship drive. They were hoping for 35 kids to be sponsored and over 70 were. My church was not very big at the time so this was really cool. I decided to sponsor Pendo from Tanzania. I have taken massive teasing about this since the beginning. My favorite one is she lives in CA and has wealthy parents and I’m being scammed. Just a few weeks ago, friends of mine went to Tanzania and met the five kids they sponsor. And no they were not drugged and really only in CA.

So I asked Allyson if she wanted to sponsor a kid from Haiti and she said yes so I let her pick. I am not going to lie I was surprised she picked a girl. We have so much here in America and still not happy with all our stuff. Just look at the amount of phones, iPads, tablets, computers, gaming systems. Children who are sponsored know their sponsors names. They keep all of their letters and treasure them. They get to stay in school have food and medical care. Seriously I easily spend 38 bucks a month on coffee and Brian spends it on soda. Isn’t that a small sacrifice to change the life of a child and have their story be so different because one person with so much gave a little to someone with nothing.

Mole moral. I think this years camp was by far THE BEST ONE EVER!! There are many reasons and I am so thankful. Big Stuf was sold last year as the man who started/created it (lanny donoho) was ready to retire. No one was sure how it would change. I noticed small changes that were bigger and better than ever. GO BIG STUF!!!

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Where the day has taken me

imageThis is the first thing I saw when I walked outside this morning and it was so beautiful. It was like God was waving from heaven and saying I’m here and I’m gorgeous. I originally was going to write about the morning session but the evening session was so powerful that I am writing about it. Herc had an awesome post about this morning which I was going to copy and paste into my blog. However this stupid phone will not let me and I don’t have wifi for my computer. Sometimes technology is a big fat hinderance.

This is my seventh big stuf camp. 2008 was the first year I went and the theme was broadcast. Looking back I was pretty much a walking disaster. I had been in counseling since October of 2007 and things were going well personally. I was learning I was a pretty cool person after all. My take away experience was I FELT love for the first time in my life. I knew in my head people loved me but I never FELT it. I tried explaining this to Brian but in true dude fashion he told me it was the stupidest thing he had ever heard.

Its seven years later and I feel like I heard the rest of my story. When a person enters a valley or a painful spot in their life they tend to do one of four things all which do not actually deal with the situation and cause their story to veer way off course. A person either 1. Numbs it with alcohol drugs etc. 2. Ignores it. 3. Becomes angry or 4. Shuts down. I would be a 2+4 combo. I am really good at blocking people who have hurt me from my head. This is a bad thing to do. I also shut down and for most of my life I just pretended I was invisible. I still tend to do this when I’m running along the side of the road. I really don’t think anyone can see me which is probably why I rarely ever noticed anyone honking and waving at me. So if I shut down block pain out of my head it totally explains why I never felt love. God tore those walls down at camp seven years ago. My husbands dude comment shot them back up but I did finish counseling and most of the time the walls are down. When people have hurt me in the past seven years, I worked through it, forgave them, kept my memories but moved on. Such a much healthier way to live.

Mole moral in times of pain and trouble turn toward Jesus rather than the other ways to deal with it. He will let you cuss at him and say you hate him and still love you and be your friend!!