0

The Soon to be Bionic Grandma

It has been a week since my mom fell and broke her humerus. I took her to Mercy ER and I found the entire visit disappointing at the time. They basically got her in and out in record time. They took an X-ray and said your arm is broke right below the shoulder, it will heal without surgery, here is some pain medicine and see this orthopedic person in a week. Oh I forgot about the “cheap piece of shit” sling they gave her to use as well.

So my mom hasn’t complained too much this past week but I did find it odd how bad her arm hurt and the only way it didn’t was if she had the back part of the sling near the elbow pulled up really high. It would have to be readjusted at least once a day until I finally invested in safety pins and pined that sucker. The doctor’s office seemed appalled by this. (morons). She kept saying she could feel her bone shifting around but I just chalked that up to her being a whack job. Today they took different X-rays as the hospital only got a front view due to the amount of extreme pain my mom was in. It still hurt like hell but they got back views as well. Imagine my surprise when the first orthopedic doctor walks in and basically says you practically crushed your shoulder, tore up your rotator cuff, and you have more fractures lower in the shaft of your humerus. Then said surgery is the best option to fix this. It may heal on its own but its slow and painful and the ball at the top of your humerus can die due to poor blood supply. His next words, I don’t do this surgery, one of my partners does. I am more of a spine guy. So my mom says can I see him today, preferably like right now. So he leaves and the next guy walks in. Both of these dudes were wonderful. He said that they like to wait until the swelling goes down before they do surgery. When I told him it was a week ago he seemed shocked. I said the ER told us to follow-up in a week so that is what we did. He then said great we can do it towards the end of this week. He sent us to talk to the surgery scheduler after he answered our questions.

I think God blocked the ER from knowing the truth last week so they couldn’t tell my mom. If she knew last week what a mess her arm was in and how it would be closer to two weeks before anyone could do anything about it she might have been a bigger mess. Also at least after talking to the doctor she knew she was no longer crazy about feeling her arm bone shifting around. I recind the whack job thought. She is going to have a reverse total shoulder replacement and he said the pain from the surgery will be much less than what she is currently experiencing. So that was good news. Hopefully by the end of the week the new bionic shoulder is in place and my mom is back to being her old self.

 

Mole Moral ~ If you are going to break something, you might as well break it into fifteen pieces and do a number on it. I’d give this one the number TEN!

Advertisements
0

The Mole Work Ethic

My mom use to worry that my girls would not have a good work ethic because they did not have a job in high school. Emily’s first job was after her second year of college. She worked in a pharmaceutical factory packing boxes in Fenton. The factory closed before the end of the summer. She worked with a lot of former Chrysler workers and they all encouraged her to finish her college education. The next two summers she worked as a nanny and really enjoyed it. That job was way too challenging in my opinion. My own kids are bad enough, no way would I want to deal with someone else’s. Kayla got a job towards the end of her senior year at Swing Around Fun Town. They love her there and promoted her to lead after her first year. She still works there on breaks and summer vacation. Allyson has been at her job for two weeks now.

Emily is working out in California now as a physical therapist. She was diagnosed almost a month ago with a kidney stone. She is in a small town with only one urologist within fifty miles. She needs surgery to remove this stone but that won’t happen for another week. However, she has gone to work every single day anyway. Some days she lays down between patients and texts me that she is dying. The doctor wants her to take the day off after she has surgery and she has told me there is no way she is dong that and plans to work. It will be interesting to see how that works out. Kayla pretty much goes in extra whenever she is asked. She trades hours with people, stays late, goes in early or leaves early as needed. She worked her last shift before starting Missouri State but then the next day she ended up going in for two hours to help out in the kitchen. So her last day was really her second last day. Allyson has already worked for someone who was sick since she had nothing else going on. So I think my mom was worried for nothing.

They say with kids they really do watch what do and not so much what you say. Brian in all the years he has worked has maybe missed five days because he was sick. He did take two months off after he gave his kidney to his father because I forced him too. With that major of a surgery he did not need to be back at work lifting all of that heavy stuff. I can’t remember exactly when I went to all of my shifts being eleven am to seven pm but its been at least five years. My hours really are anywhere from seven am until five pm just depending on how many surgeries, how many nurses are scheduled and what is going on. I pretty much trade with whoever needs to switch a day. My kids are modeling this behavior but yesterday took the cake and the purpose for this blog.

The charge nurse had called around 11:30 to say she needed me. So I was driving to work talking to my best friend Meg when my mom called. I didn’t answer but when she left a message I told Meg I better get off the phone. My mom had fallen and was pretty sure she had broken her arm. There was another nurse on call, so I called her and asked her if she would go in for me so I could go see what was going on with my mother. The charge nurse decided she didn’t need her right then but needed someone at three to cover the eight-hour shift nurse that was leaving. Amy agreed to go in for me and I would take on call. So my mom did indeed break her humerus right below where it meets the shoulder. They gave her a sling and said she could go home. It was now four pm and I was on call until five so I we went up to my floor to hang out. I did not want to get twenty minutes away from the hospital and get called back in. Well sure enough at four-thirty they paged three unexpected patient’s so I clocked in and my mom hung out in our waiting room until I got off at seven-thirty. She said she took the best nap ever on the couch in the waiting room. I got her home around eight last night and opened all kinds of food and things for her because you can’t do anything with one hand. She sees the orthopedic doctor on Monday.

 

Mole moral ~ The mole kids are either half crazy or have a great work ethic, since they seem to be doing what their parents do.

0

Never Date a Patient

At some point in nursing school we were told not to ever date patients but I don’t remember the rational behind it. Now I usually follow all the rules but this one I broke. I cannot remember if I was still working as a student nurse assistant or a graduate nurse. I think the latter but I was taking care of a guy who was probably around eighteen that had attempted suicide. I have no idea why he was on my floor but he and I got along pretty well. His father asked if I wanted to go to the cardinals game with the two of them and I thought why not. So his dad gave me a ticket and I was meeting them at the game.

So I showed up at the game and guess who was sick? Certainly not the dad but the kid. I being the naive person I am didn’t really think anything about it until the old man starting putting the moves on me. He was my father’s age but back then that was super old to a young twenty something. The game ended up getting rained out in the fifth inning and this dude insisted on driving me to my car. When he dropped me off he kissed me and I about vomited. I also thought to myself no wonder you son tried to kill himself, you are a real piece of work. After I got home my mom said why didn’t you just say you were going to the bathroom and leave. That would be because I was too naive to even think of that. This was before cell phones and texting or I could have texted her (she would have been young enough at that time to get on the texting bandwagon) and she could have told me what to do.

Now that I am older this is so scary. That guy could have driven off with me, raped me, killed me or who knows what else. My first thought was this is why they tell you in nursing school not to date patients. The worst part about it was the jerk kept calling me at work wanting me to go to the make up game with him. My dad told me to get his phone number and he would take care of him. I don’t know what he said but I never heard from him again. It would be the last time I ever considered doing anything with a patient outside the hospital setting.

 

Mole Moral ~ Rules are made for a reason, FOLLOW THEM!

0

How to get a job, Mole style

Allyson decided about a month ago she wanted a job but since this would entail her parents driving her to and from work they were no help. She decided she wanted to work where her friend Trent works, so he got her an application. Her mom helped her fill it out and then she turned it in. They called her during school the next day and since she  never has her phone with her she called them back at four thirty. They asked her to come in for an interview at five thirty. I had just left to go run so Brian took her to The Local House. It is a restaurant two miles from our house that a cousin of Brian’s owns. She comes out and informs Brian she got the job. He asked her how much money she was going to make and she said she didn’t know. He asked her what she had to wear and she had no idea. She did know she was starting the next day as a bus girl. Luckily they sent home a handbook for her to read and sign that had the dress code in it.

D6ECA98D-67BA-45AA-89A1-31F780F67205

She’s been working for a week now and makes three bucks an hour plus tips. She had three nights of orientation but now that she is on her own she brought home tip money last night. I told her no spending it on drugs. She actually is running a star wars game server and is using the money to pay for that. Considering she gets off of work anywhere between nine and eleven at night she is going to be learning to drive because her parents are old and need to go to bed early.

 

Mole Moral ~ When you don’t dance or cheerlead then your parents let you get a job. Just kidding everyone knows number three gets by with murder.

0

A Teenage Love Story

It was the fall of 1982 and I was in third hour band class when Mr. Butler announced a 25 piece band was coming from South Africa and we were hosting them. He sent home a letter to see who wanted to host a student. They were all boys and would be staying for two weeks. For some reason I waited until my mom was in the bathtub (moms never get any peace in the bathroom anyway) to read her the letter. I didn’t even get half way through it before she asked me if they were black or white. I said who cares but they are white. She agreed we could host one and I was hoping for a drummer because the band was all drums and trumpets.

Their flight was late getting in so they finally arrived at the band room on September 20 around ten pm. It was a school night no less. I was assigned to Gary who was a trumpet player. However I spotted Anton that night and he was assigned to Scott. Anton was a drummer. I swear before we even went to bed that night Gary and I were fighting like brother and sister. He brought us a beautiful clock in the shape of Africa. It hung in my mom’s living room for years. I would later trace it and make a cross-stitch picture when my sister married Andre’ but that’s a different story for a different time.

My next memory is of the Fox football game and the boys were playing at half-time. I had made an ice cream date with Anton, Scott and a few other band kids even though I had a boyfriend at the time. He was not supposed to be coming to the football game but he showed up last-minute so I broke up with him on the spot. It was probably one of the meanest things I have ever done in my life on a relationship level that is. I broke his heart, I knew I did and I didn’t even care. I was way too in love with Anton. I watch a lot of investigative shows and they always comment about teenage love being intense. I lived it. Anyway we pretty much spent every free second together during the time they were here. My mom took a bunch of us to the most inappropriate movie ever The World According to Garp. She had no idea or she would have picked something else but live and learn.

I also decided to have a party for Gary and I let everyone know there would absolutely be no alcohol at this party. Do you know every single person I invited showed up. I still look back on it and cannot believe it. I was so shy and so convinced no one knew me or if they did, they didn’t like me. The party was a blast and one kid did show up with alcohol and my mother made him leave. We went on a scavenger hunt, had a sexy knee contest, had a broom dance and did something with weaving this spoon down everyone’s clothes. Except this one kids pants were so freaking tight the spoon got stuck. Everyone had a great time as far as I know and I never heard anything negative said about me and the no alcohol party. It just shows you do not need to get drunk to have a good time.

So the boys left and within a month some of the parents got together to see about going over there the next summer. So the planning began. My mother was in charge of the books (after all she worked for an accounting firm) and each kid was responsible for raising 1500 dollars for the trip. Fundraisers were divided among the kids that participated. A couple of the kids parents just wrote a check every month and they didn’t do any fundraising. Now my sister and I sold just about everything except for the kitchen sink. We sold Kathryn Beich candy bars and the profit was twenty-five cents each. I made over four hundred dollars in candy bar sales so do the math as to how many I sold. I raised 1400 dollars and the trip was set for August of 1983.

It would take us almost twenty-four hours to get from Saint Louis to Johannesburg South Africa. We also came in during the evening time. It seemed they had a little party for us in the school gym and the first half of the trip I stayed with Gary and the second with Anton. Anton didn’t really speak to me and the next day we had a marching band performance. He still didn’t talk much to me and I was a shy dork back then so I probably mentioned it to my mother who then took care of it. I think it was the next day we were back where we left off in the states. It was a great three weeks and I ended up with lifelong friendships both in the states and in South Africa. Now this was in the day long before cell phones, email, Skype, texting so it was hand written letters and a three-week delay from the time they were written until received. Phone calls were around a buck a minute and the delay was obnoxious.

I had big plans about going to nursing school in South Africa and marrying Anton. For those of you who really know me you can quit laughing over leaving the country thing. I have huge anxiety about not knowing where I am going and getting lost. It’s why I haven’t traveled much in my life. Also the fact that I puked for sixteen hours straight on the way home. Sometime in February of 1984 I got THE letter. (I still have all of the letters Anton wrote to me). It was the break up letter and I always seem to forget I had written him almost the exact same letter except my mom hadn’t mailed it yet so we pitched it. Oh was I ever a wreck that day. Anton had met a girl named Susan and since we were so far apart and wouldn’t be together for a long time we should date other people. Anton would go on to marry Susan and have two drop dead gorgeous daughters. I would eventually be fixed up with Brian and have three daughters of my own.

I didn’t hear much from him after he started dating Susan. I figured it was their culture that once you were married you couldn’t talk to other girls much less former girlfriends. Oh yeah, I was the first girl Anton ever noticed or fell in love with. His mom told me that as well as his best friend Paul. Imagine my shock and surprise when Anton Facebook friend requested me a few years back. Of course that led to Brian teasing the heck out of me about my “South African boyfriend”.

Anton painted me a really cool picture of horses that got lost over the years. I know Allyson would have loved it. He always signed his letters I love you stacks. I met him before the breast reduction so Scott would always tease me and say he forgot the R in you. (I love your stacks).They all were bilingual and could speak Afrikaans as well. The only thing I really learned that I remember to this day is Ek het jou lief. Of course I couldn’t remember how to spell it but that is the beauty of the internet. Otherwise I would have to drag out Anton’s letters and get up off the couch. Anyway in case you didn’t figure it out, it means I love you.

My mom always felt that one day we would see each other again. So far it has not happened and with my traveling phobia I cannot see myself going to South Africa anytime soon. Unless of course I find some crazy race and drag my husband along. He hates to fly and I don’t think there are enough kisses in the world to convince him to be on a plane that long. Who knows if we will ever see each other again. I can say with confidence that he and my husband are the only two guys that I dated that aged really well.

 

Mole Moral ~ Brian has no reason to be jealous or worried about Anton, considering he lives ten thousand miles away which is great for him but as for me I have to put up with a lot of teasing!

0

When the kids missed the bus

This morning I was awoken by Allyson telling me she missed the bus so I jumped out of bed, threw some clothes on, and took her to school. I should start by saying that when my kids entered high school, I was done waking them up for school. After all in four short years they would either leave for college or have a job so they needed to learn how to be responsible for getting themselves up and ready. After all when I was in high school I was not only responsible for getting myself up but waking my mom up too because she left after me. Anytime the older two would complain I would just tell that story and also how I walked twelve miles to school every day. The second is a lie but the first is the truth.

Not too long ago Emily and I were talking about the time the girl she rode with car had a flat tire and I had to take them to school. Heather lived behind us and her last name was Troll (she’s married now and just had her first baby a cute little boy). Brian nicknames everyone that hangs out our house so she was always referred to as the Trollinator. I was never so mad in my life. I am pretty sure I yelled at them the entire way to school that day. However things were different back then.

I was working evenings so I never got to bed before one in the morning. So to be woken up at six thirty was a crime. I was mean every single time it happened, a lot of yelling cursing came along with it. Emily never really missed the bus or the carpool much but Kayla was an entirely different story. One year she was tardy to first hour so much that two more times and she would have failed the class. However, being the mean mother that I am, I still would not make sure she is awake. After all the ultimate goal is to get these freaks out of my house and living on their own.

I cannot remember exactly when I switched my hours to 11 am to 7 pm but I started going to bed much earlier. Seven years ago I started all this running stuff and would get up as early as six am to start long runs so I sort of turned into a morning person. Or at least to the point if I have to get up to take someone to school, it does not cause cursing and yelling. So this morning when Allyson woke me up I was so nice and I even offered to stop at the gas station to get her the cold Starbucks coffee. She was like I just opened a soda and then says, I’ll put it in the fridge and finish it when I get home. I have no idea where she gets popping a soda open the minute she gets up. Certainly her father and I have never done such a thing.

Driving home I realized it is so true about child number three. They get by with a lot more because you realize half the stuff you thought was important with the first one is not a big deal at all. Also you are tired of fighting and some things just aren’t worth the fight. So Emily and Kayla got screwed in that sense but just think of all the great cursing and yelling memories Allyson has missed out on.

 

Mole Moral ~ As Brian always says, “Never wake Big Red, you just never know how she’s going to act when she doesn’t get her beauty sleep!”

2

Pokemon Go 10K Walk

I downloaded Pokemon Go probably a week after it came out but I only was interested in catching one of each Pokemon because I didn’t really know anything about the game. Around the time I got the major headache, Emily’s boyfriend at the time finally talked her into downloading it. I then learned all kinds of stuff, like how to evolve one Pokemon into another. I always had it up and running on my daily walk to U-Gas for coffee and one day one of the young kids told me they had Facebook groups for Pokemon Go . So I found the one for St. Louis and learned even more stuff, like where the nests were, what events were happening and who caught what. The group has a lot of really nice people in it. Emily joined too and we played a lot together until she moved away.

A few months ago, I noticed a kid with the screen name Tony Bologna had never caught a Porygon and he would make jokes about it.

22688852_10155160392937831_565997432116687318_n

It then became the standing joke that anytime anyone caught one or hatched one he would get tagged in the post. He would always make the angry face in response. Some people even started naming them the Tonygon. He was a great sport who then asked the question would anyone want to walk with him while he attempted to hatch one. I thought this was a great idea and Porygon can be found in 10K eggs which meant a 6.2 mile walk. So after a bunch of talking in the group it was decided to do a walk to benefit Stray Rescue. I got the best dog ever from them so I was all in.

The walk was this afternoon and I skipped the Halloween 10K this morning because I was up half the night with stomach issues. I attempted to talk myself out of going to this as well but I had bought t-shirts which I needed to pick up. I didn’t know anyone that was going so I put myself way out of my comfort zone and showed up. Tony is a nice kid who never STOPPED talking. I felt like I was back out hunting with Emily who also never stops talking. He made me realize how much I miss her but since he kept on talking I got over that rather quickly. He started off by leading us down the wrong path so we all had to turn around. I love this guy as I would have done the exact same thing.

It was like eight loops around the lake or maybe it was seven. We started out with twenty-five people and ended up with five or six that did all of the laps together. Some of the others left early and some walked a little slower. It didn’t help that it started misting and continued on for a couple of miles. It didn’t bother me at all after the half marathon Emily and I ran with the first nine miles being pretty much a downpour requiring our phones to be in plastic bags. I was thinking I cannot believe we are doing this many loops until I reminded my crazy self my 50K consisted of a .8 mile loop and I ran 26 miles on a cruise ship and 336 laps (28 miles) at the rec center this summer. The kids walking with me had no idea what a total nut job they were with. They were probably thinking this old hag is in pretty good shape.

To hatch eggs in the game you have to put them in incubators. Tony had been saving his 10k eggs so that he had nine of them and could walk and hatch them all at once. The game gives you one unlimited incubator but if you want more you have to buy them with coins. You either get coins by buying them with real money or earning coins by leaving your Pokemon in gyms. (Ok I admit this sounds almost as crazy as trying to explain soap operas.) So we came to the end of the 10K and his eggs started hatching but prior to this he shared a really cool story with us and this is why he has made my blog.

This past week he was at Des Pair park and he came across a Porygon in the wild but he did not attempt to catch it. He walked on right past it as it would have ruined the walk since the whole point was help Tony hatch one. Here this kid has been trying to get one for a year and a half and he has the opportunity right in front of him and he bypasses it to make the walk legitimate. As soon as he told the story I texted Emily and said he’s making the blog. It’s a real good thing he’s already married because after spending two hours with him, I think he’d make a fantastic son-in-law. His wife’s parents are very lucky.

So his eggs started hatching and I was nervous for him. The first thing hatched was Dratini and then something else. However number three was a Porygon and so was number four, so he could evolve one into Porygon2. His wife’s reaction yay he can finally shut up about not having one. He then said no reason to play the game anymore except he doesn’t have an unknown or a shiny and neither do I. So I am pretty sure we will both keep on playing. He would like to have another event next year but is cutting it down to a 5K. I thought about suggesting a fifty mile and who ever finishes it gets all the prizes. Hahahaha, just kidding, I am not doing that again.

 

Mole Moral~ People can be whoever they want on the internet, some people are even cooler in real life than Facebook. Tony Bologna is one of them and even though I don’t believe that is his last name it was awesome meeting him today!