Whose Dream Is It?

Today was my very most favorite 5K that I have done almost every year for the past seven. I only missed one because I was on a cruise with my mom in Scandinavia. This run was very emotional at the beginning and the end and this blog really isn’t about running or how I ran because that is irrelevant.

Anyhow before the race started they named off all the survivors that were present. I heard Kimberly Wright’s name, who is a girl I went to high school with. I then started thinking about the special ovarian cancer girls that have touched my life. I thanked God for keeping Cathy cancer free for fourteen years. I prayed for the gal I am going to Christmas Angel this year as she has just finished chemo and will be having the surgery in the next month. This was during The Star Spangled Banner and then I almost started crying. I pulled it together and took off running. My goal was to run the entire thing without taking walk breaks. It’s a mental thing with me.

After I finished mile 2, I had passed the dog, lady and dude I had been pacing off of. I came upon a boy who was between ten and twelve. His parents were up ahead of both of us. They were turning around yelling at him to run. He said he couldn’t run anymore and was walking. They were obviously very annoyed and making comments to each other about how he should not be walking etc. They kept on running and he tried once to catch up to them to no avail. He yelled he couldn’t catch them and they told him yes he could to start running. They would turn around every so often to see he was farther and farther behind. He was getting pretty upset at this point and I was in between him and his parents. I heard a man say kid you are doing good, keep moving. His parents certainly did not slow down AT ALL. The last time I saw them turn around and look for him was about a half a mile from the finish. He was barely in their site. I was furious!

If you want to run a personal best, or run the entire time DO NOT bring younger children with you and then get mad when they cannot keep up. I am not a believer in children that age running three miles to start with. Their legs are half the size of ours so it’s more like they are running ten miles to our three. If you do bring your child, you should do it as enjoyment for a family, not a let’s see how fast we can run and then get mad at your child. Leave your child at home. I have severe anxiety when I don’t know where I am going. (I have zero GPS skills and get lost all the time.) If my parents would have done that to me, I would have NEVER ran again.

I don’t understand the big push to have kids under the age of sixteen doing distance running. They are still growing and I am not sure if this is good on their joints. Maybe because I had zero athletic ability and didn’t start running until my forties I am jaded. If a kid really enjoys it and it is his idea it might be ok. This is not the first race I have witnessed this. I have seen kids crying in the past that they couldn’t go any further and their parents basically telling them to shut up, quit being babies and push on. It makes me wonder whose dream running really is?

As some of you know my youngest daughter is a fantastic artist. This is what people tell me, I try not to be jaded. I always tell her she should work for PIXAR to which she responds “mom that is your dream, not mine”. This is the truth. I would love to be able to draw and make PIXAR movies but I can’t and she’s not interested. It would be a waste of time for me to attempt to push her into it and she could end up hating drawing all together. I did tell Allyson yesterday that she should design my tattoo to commemorate my fifty mile run from last year. She said “it’s about time you asked me”. Ok so I’m a little slow in combing her dream with mine. I know whatever she comes up with, it will be super cool.


Mole Moral ~ One of my parenting goals has been to let my kids do what they want to do, not what I think they should do. I pray I have achieved that.


Nursing Boards

Brian has been laying hardwood in the bedrooms. He has finished Kayla’s and Allyson’s room and is currently working on ours. This requires everything to be moved out and going through everything. I refuse to discuss how much stuff I have either given or thrown away. I still have more than enough junk and I can’t help but wonder where it comes from.

Yesterday I was cleaning out my night stand when I found this gem.


It has been in the same place well protected for THIRTY years now. I still remember this like it was yesterday. Back in the day, NCLEX was a class you could take to help you study for boards. I am thinking it was a couple of hundred bucks to which Gena and I said nope not taking it. It was optional and the acutal test was just called  boards. Now the test is called NCLEX which is very confusing for me.

Back in 1988 it was a two-day test given in Springfield Missouri, The test was in four parts, two each morning and two in the afternoon. Gena, Katie and I all drove down together. I borrowed my moms car because it had air conditioning and my personalized plates had already arrived RACH-RN. I figured it would be bad karma to drive mine to the test as if I had already passed. We shared a hotel room as well. I can’t remember which night we went to the mall and had this done but we each received a copy.

The test was awful. For starters people walked around the entire time staring at you making sure you didn’t cheat. If you had to use the restroom, you had to raise your hand and be escorted to the bathroom like a three-year old. I remember the room was filled with long cafeteria like tables. It seems like we had two hours for each portion. This led to once everyone was finished, we would all start comparing answers and be convinced we had all failed. I had smoked during nursing school but quit when I graduated. Over those two days I easily smoked over a pack of cigs by myself. I remember throwing what I had left out the window on the way home.

I think it was a good six weeks before our results arrived in the mail. I was so thankful to see a small envelope because that meant I had passed. I swore if I failed, I was working at Hardees for the rest of my life because I wasn’t going through that again in December. Boards were only offered twice a year back then. Gena and Katie also passed as well, although by the time we had arrived home we just knew we had failed. Katie and I worked together at Deaconess until I left for St. Johns burn unit. I must really be getting old because all of these memories just keep flooding back and I am starting to feel like an old person with all my “back in my day” stories!


Mole Moral ~ You never know what I am going to find in my house when I actually go through stuff. This was a true gem and put back where it has always been kept!


Monday Night Golf League

Brian has been in the Monday night golf league for what seems like forever. He has no idea when he joined and neither do I. This past Monday he came home early and totally freaked out. I thought for sure he got his first speeding ticket of his life but his evening was way more traumatic.

Golf was finished for the night and some of the guys were sitting outside drinking beer and doing whatever it is guys do when all of a sudden Dave falls out of his chair. He lands on the ground and is unresponsive. Brian springs to action to see if he’s breathing. His chest is not moving so he tells one guy to check for a pulse and barks at the others to call 911. The other guy can’t find a pulse (I’m really not sure if I could find a carotid pulse either in that situation) so Brian says to him you are going to have to start chest compressions. The guy is like I don’t know how to do that. Just then Dave wakes up and says he is fine except his neck hurts. No one had managed to call 911 so they skip calling them. Brian drives Dave home from golf and stays with him until his wife gets home. The next day after work I make Brian text Dave to make sure he is still alive. A person usually doesn’t go unresponsive, apneic and potentially pulseless for no reason. Dave answers right away that he is fine but his neck still hurts. Sometime later that evening Brian’s text message buzzer goes off and the next words out of his mouth are something to the effect of holy shit. Well I have a nose problem and ask him what is up. The text is from Dave.

Dave decided to go to urgent care because his neck was hurting so bad. They did a CT scan and determined he broke his neck and they were sending him by ambulance to Barnes. So the paranoid nurse in me was like, he was walking around with an unstable neck fracture for 24 hours, he’s lucky it didn’t extend into his spine and paralyze him. How crazy is that a fall out of a chair can lead to a broken neck. I am also secretly thinking they will check out his heart to see what caused the episode leading up to the broken neck.

Brian heard back the next day and after 2 CT scans, 15 x-rays and an MRI they determine surgery wasn’t needed but he will be in a brace for two weeks. I of course ask what about his heart. “I don’t know” was Brian’s response. Trying to get information out of dudes is almost impossible. I do know Dave won’t be finishing out the golf season except for maybe the after golf drinking and doing whatever it is dude’s do.

I was super impressed with Brian’s take charge attitude of the situation. He has taken CPR at least three times that I can remember. It’s probably because he has lived with bossy pants me for 28 years. Also so caring of him to drive Dave home as well. I really do have an awesome husband!


Mole Moral ~ Guys never stop thinking they are invincible even when they are all over the age of 50!


Running Down Memory Lane

As most people are aware Pokemon Go is still my current obsession and it’s turned out to be one of my better ones if I am really honest. For starters, it really makes walking and running way less boring. Thanks to one of the guys that use to work at U-Gas I found a Facebook group for it that is fantastic. Tony who runs the Raid Bus decided to start a facebook group chat for people to talk smack. I joined it because I am almost childless and it gives me something to do. So this weekend I was home alone and started talking-to the girl who sat by me on the bus twice. Her first time, I think Tony twisted her arm to come and she was afraid it would be weirdos. And so so happened to sit next to me, the biggest weirdo of all. SUCKER. Ha. No actually if I don’t know someone I really am shy and don’t talk a whole bunch. I must have been OK because she sat by me the next bus too. I really liked her and thought maybe she was twenty-four at the oldest.

Anyway we are talking and she asks me if I by chance live in Arnold/Imperial area. I knew exactly where this was headed. Yes, she sees me almost every day running or walking. This debunks my “Im invisible when I run” theory. I wouldn’t be able to run without thinking no one can see me. It’s part of my mental disorder called low self-esteem, not an athlete, and not wanting to be noticed. So she told me where she lived and the next day on the way home from Kimswick (yes playing Pokemon) I decided to see if I had the right street. Oh yes indeed it was the way we always went to Emily’s friends house so I decided to drive out the other way through the subdivision. I then started naming off in my head all the cool people who I went to high school that lived there. Scott Hart, Steve Underhill, Pam Bridges, Mike Hammers and then when BJ Bock got married he and his wife moved into the subdivision. It’s so weird how I can remember this stuff but not be able to keep daily life straight. Anyway, after that I remembered the summer my sister and I raised money for Muscular Dystrophy.

My sister and I went skating almost every Saturday night at Rock Roll-O-Rena. I always wanted my own pair of roller skates like the cool kids but they were a luxury and too expensive. However the skating rink did a fund-raiser for Muscular Dystrophy and if you raised two hundred dollars you got a pair of roller skates. It was game on for my sister and I. It seemed like every night for two months my mom would come home from work and drop us off at different subdivisions and come back a couple of hours later to pick us up. Imagine this is back in the day of no cell phone how did we survive. Anyway I was super shy back in my middle school days so for me to go door to door and ask people if they wanted to donate shows how badly I wanted my own roller skates. As I was driving through the cool kids subdivision I remembered the lady that gave us a couple bucks but also told us that we were probably lying and using the money for candy. My feelings were hurt because I am not that kind of person. When my mom came to pick us up we told her the story. She asked which house it was and drove to it. She got out of the car knocked on the door and made the lady take her money back. It was awesome! I am sure the lady felt like a real piece of work after that! Crazily enough I can still point the house out even though I have maybe driven through that part of the subdivision a handful of times since high school.

We hit our goal and I picked out a pair of white skates with blue wheels. I had them probably until my mom pitched them long after I was married. I can’t remember what my sisters looked like. We also made it into the drawing for a ten speed bike and I ended up winning that as well. I’ve been back to the skating rink a few times in my adult life. I think the last time I actually skated was almost nineteen years ago at Emily’s skating birthday party. As long as it is not in line skates but the old-fashioned four wheels, I am pretty sure I could still skate. The skating rink looks the same. I mean it’s updated but the same people still worked there and owned it and they remembered my sister and I. Heck we probably paid their bills back in the day. My sister was the Pac-Man expert. She was really good at the game and used her extra money for that. I of course hoarded mine or got a drink with it. My girls really never got into skating which is just as well since it was never over until ten. It use to drive my mom crazy because she would get stuck picking up instead of taking and my friends lived all over the school district.


Mole Moral ~ It’s amazing how much more your appreciate something when you work hard for it. And yes I really am shy until I know a person and then I don’t shut up!


A Hunkins’ Wedding

Brian has been part of a golf league on Monday nights for at least fifteen or so years. He can’t remember when he started and I sure can’t remember but it seems like forever. The guy that is in charge of the league is Tom Hunkins and I have liked him since the day I met him. He is super funny and always loves to aggravate me. Somehow I manage to fall for the same stupid joke. He will ask me if I have any boyfriends and well you know me I have a whole list of boyfriends so when I say yes, he puts his arm around me and tells me I need a man friend. Yesterday we attended our second Hunkins’ wedding. The first I had remembered was his daughter Emily and I told him wasn’t it in February and on a bad luck day but I can’t remember the date. As soon as he said Friday the thirteenth then I remembered. I think he was kind of impressed I remembered the month. I seem to have gift for remembering crazy things like that but can’t keep day-to-day life straight. Anyway we received the invitation months ago and his son was marrying another dude. At first this presented a bit of a dilemma for me because I’m old as dirt and was raised in different times.

When I was a kid my aunt was gay (that’s what we called it back then so please do not political correct me). We had to keep this a secret because my mom was worried if other people knew, they would not allow their kids to associate with me. I remember my aunt at one time did marry another woman (however that worked back in the day) but I don’t think my mother attended. I cannot remember even though I still remember the gals name. They eventually divorced as well. My aunt was also an alcoholic so probably twenty-five years ago, she found Jesus, quit drinking and basically turned celibate. The guy I dated my senior year in high school came out in college. He was not careful and ended up with HIV and passed from AIDS. Actually quite a few of the guys I dated, ended up coming out so I have always told Brian he wouldn’t leave me for another woman, but a man. He has never found this as funny as I do.

With the introduction of the internet and social media things have really come to the forefront on this. Marriage between same-sex has been legalized. Honestly, I have never had an issue with that but I am old school in the fact I don’t think a church should be forced to married same sex just because it’s legal. These two were going to get married at River City Casino so that solved that issue for me. (As we know, it’s all about me.) Then came the struggle do we go to the ceremony or just the reception. It came down to the day before when I finally decided we would go to the ceremony as well. I had no clue what to expect or how things would be done. I was pleasantly blown away.

For starters, they had twenty people in their wedding party. I can honestly say back when Brian and I married I don’t think we had twenty people that we were close enough to have stand up with us. And each of them chose both girls and boys to represent them. So when it came time for the procession or whatever it’s called, the music started and I knew I made the right decision. Tommy (Tom’s son) has three sisters and they all walked down together arm in arm. They had cute little cocktail dresses and looked fabulous. The rest of the party was spiffy too. One guy had on like dark blue jeans and suit coat and I immediately thought of Howard from The Big BangTheory. And then the grooms walked into together and my first thought “Holy smokes, they are both hot as hell” and then “go figure”. That’s my old school, stereotypical, judgmental, racist, old lady self coming out. I’m trying to work on this.

I expected the ceremony to be short and simple but instead we got a bit of a non church sermon. The guy that married them was interesting but at one point i was thinking please just shut up so we can get on to the good part, the vows. They wrote their own and Tommy’s was mind-blowing. He actually said he thought he would marry a trophy wife and live out his life that way. What’s really sad about that is, people did this all the time. It would be difficult enough knowing you are “not normal” (although normal is just a setting on a washing machine) but then to live a lie has to be awful. So I am glad that he doesn’t have to live like that and can be who I know God created him to be. And this leads to the reception and how my intense like for Tom Hunkins turned to pure love.

Tom’s family is very strong catholics. Brian told me quite a few refused to attend. I find this sad because refusing to come isn’t going to change Tommy’s sexual orientation. However I cannot imagine how difficult it must be for a heterosexual man to come to grips that his son is not. I don’t know how long it to Tom to process this but he has embraced it in a way that makes Jesus proud. I mean if Jesus (God) feels such emotion. His speech was fabulous and he talked about how after he married his three daughters off he thought he was out of the woods for covering weddings. Then Tommy came along and changed that mindset. He wrote a song to My Boyfriends Back and changed it to My Boyfriend Zach. His sister’s were the back up singers and although none of them would ever make it on American Idol, it was one of  the sweetest most thoughtful things I have every witnessed. It made me wish I was part of the Hunkins’ family.

Brian and I had a very good time and didn’t get home until 3:00 in the morning. We took our first Uber ride and in true Shleprock fashion the first driver could not locate us and cancelled. So we had to order a second one. Well Marvin had his act together and knew exactly where we were. We made it safely home and a twenty-seven dollar fare was way cheaper than a DUI and all the aggravation that entails. The hotel wanted 189 before tax for a room. Now that is outrageous for a hotel in Lemay when you are as tight with money as Brian and I are. I came up with the Uber idea at the same time I decided we should go to the ceremony. Most of the time I am smarter than I look.

I am really glad we went. It changed a lot of my mindset and made me realize and think about things that had never occurred to me. I also had a nice conversations with Tom and actually got to tell him he needs a Woman friend. It was perfect and beautiful.


Mole Moral ~ If we could only love others the way Jesus did instead of being judgmental holier than thou assholes, the world would be a much better place. Heck it would represent Heaven.


If you are going to do something, do it right.

Most of my Facebook friends saw my post today but that turned out to be only half of the story. And because I always have a story, I decided this one is blog worthy.

This morning work called me in early. I was driving down 270, minding my own business, singing Big Stuf camp songs when it sounded like I blew a tire or something on the passenger side. I immediately pull off, crawl over to the other side and get out to look at my tire. I discovered this


I then took a picture and sent it to Brian. I then called to ask if I should drive to work (I was about three miles away). He suggests I call triple a and have them put on the spare. So I call work and then call triple A. I decided to use the free time to friend request people on Pokémon Go to complete the latest task. The guy shows up and I get out of my car to look at tire with him. It’s at this time I notice the side of my car

I do believe the first words out of my mouth were Holy F bomb. First of all,who manages to run over a bungee cord and then have it wedge itself into a tire? The same person who then has the tar beat out of her car by said bungee cord. Luckily the other hook end broke off before it did even more damage. The guy changed my tire like a NASCAR professional and was super nice and I could tell truly enjoyed his job. So off to work I went remembering the last time I had a flat.

It was maybe January of 2001 and again I was on my way into work. Brian had taught me how to change a tire by jumping on the tire iron to loosen the lug nuts. So I first called work who told me I had to come in after I got tire changed and then I called Brian. His response was can’t you change it. I said sure if I wasn’t five months pregnant and it wasn’t snowing. So he reluctantly agreed to leave work an hour early to change it. Of course it was on the driver’s side which was also 270 traffic side right before Manchester. While I am waiting for him a cop shows up and I tell him my husband is on his way. He says oh good I just came on duty and I don’t want to crawl on the ground. Next the roadside assist guy shows up, I tell him my husband is coming and he also leaves. I probably shouldn’t have told Brian this because he was beyond annoyed. But he changed it and on to work I went.


Mole Moral ~ If you are going to have tire trouble make sure you do it on the busiest most annoying highway and destroy your car for good measure. Bahahaha


The Bleeing Edge

This Netflix documentary was released the week I was at Big Stuf camp. I had quite a few people ask me if I had watched it yet. I finally sat down and watched it two days ago. I wish I could say I was shocked but I wasn’t, as most of it I already knew.

It’s been almost four years since I was a work and someone said Rachel Dr. Veronikis is calling from the OR and wants to talk to you. First of all Dr. V rarely calls anyone, much less from the OR so I went totally paranoid and figured he was going to yell at me. Instead he said I want you to go in and talk to my patient in 16. We had just moved to our new unit and I had to figure out where that room was. So I walked into Melynda’s room and said something like hi I’m Rachel and Dr. V told me to come talk to you. She had mesh removed by a doctor in California and was here for reconstruction with Dr. V. She shared her story with me.

I must say not only was she super nice but she was super smart. She had one of the Johnson and Johnson mesh put in. It wasn’t the small piece that supports the urethra but an entire thing that lifted the bladder up and had arms. She told me they knew when it was brought on the market their would be some lawsuits so they set aside a slush fund to cover them. There were no trials or studies on living women. The mesh had gotten approval through the 510k process. If a new product is similar to one currently on the market it is approved without trials or research. Physicians were trained over a weekend using cadavers. That’s dead women. Some physicians were also given kickbacks for every sling they placed. I have seen enough of Dr. V patients that had mesh placed that never needed it, to know this is truth. I am sure everyone involved would deny it but actions speak louder than words. Melynda added me to a Facebook group with all kinds of links to mesh articles. I read as much as I could and joined a few of the public groups to stay informed and keep up with what is going on.

So I started the show knowing full well I would be furious, but it was way worse than I imagined. It started with essure, the coils placed in tubes to prevent pregnancy   Again very little training and doctors were told if you missed the tube just put in another one. One lady had five of them floating in her uterus. These are made of metal so it only seems logical people would react to these. The trials they did were rigged. Some of the gals responses were changed right in front of them to make it say they had zero complications and one hundred percent satisfied only because they weren’t pregnant. It was taken off the market in every country except for the United States. However, right before the documentary aired it was announced it would be pulled from the market at the end of this year. I guess the greedy company wants to get a little more money while turning a blind eye to all the people they have harmed.

I have never been a fan of the daVinci (robot) machine. After watching this I would not ever encourage anyone to use it. They state it’s less invasive for hysterectomy. However the least invasive is the vaginal approach. The robot makes a blind stab for the first incision and most of the time that works out fine. However when it was developed an eight month training period was recommended. However again greed knew no one would buy it or invest so it was cut to a much shorter time period. And the show says a doctor practices and then had another physician watch him for two or three times and then he can perform on his own. This is accurate in my world. They had four different women end up with their intestines falling out of their vagina. I say no thanks.

So many people have been injured, maimed and have had their life ruined and yet the greed continues. Profit before people seems to be the motto these days. The FDA 501k process is broken and the loophole needs to be closed. When some of the FDA scientist attempted to be whistleblowers they were either terminated or had their job eliminated.

I don’t have the answers except to do your homework and don’t let anyone implant anything in you without extensive research on your part. The latest greatest doesn’t always mean safest or best.


Mole Moral ~ Melynda found her mesh on eBay, purchased it and gave it to Dr. V at her six-week check up. It makes you wonder just how easily any untrained physician can get their hands on it and implant it into unsuspecting people.