As you read todays blog, please keep in mind the year was 1979-1980 and I had seen the movie The Jerk with Steve Martin. As usual my sister was getting on my nerves so I had the brilliant idea to tell her she was adopted from a black family. In true form she gets all upset and then breaks the rules of no calling my mom at work unless it’s an emergency. I’m sure my mom was fairly annoyed with this phone call so Karen got in trouble for being gullible and I got in trouble for getting her all upset. This has been an underlying theme throughout our lives. When I started going to my sisters chiropractor I told his assistant to say to my sister I heard you are adopted. My sister about killed me but the entire office died laughing.

My mom has now been in the hospital for over a week from complications from her hiatal hernia surgery. She was told there is a 99% chance she will have surgery in the morning because the infection is getting worse on antibiotics so surgeon needs to go in and clean it out. My sister went up to visit her today. My mom said to her I really need to tell you something in case I die during this surgery. You really were adopted from a black family.

Mole Moral ~ Hard scary times are made easier by keeping a sense of humor and finding the funny in things.

We changed speakers this morning. We now have Justin Warner and I really enjoyed him. Plus he’s easy on the eyes. He did not give a title for the talk (like the other guy did which I ripped off) so I came up with this on my own.

He focused on the world which is fast talking and self serving. He spoke about Instagram, tic toc and internet browsers that spend millions to research each individuals clicks to see what they like and use the algorithm’s to provide everything you want at your fingertips. I swear the phones listen in. Emily got a fancy cat litter box (I’m blocking the name) from my sister and I’ve had non stop ads show up for it. I don’t even own a cat. My toddler on crack jammed into a bull terrier suit is about all I can handle. Anyway it’s not the first time something has been mentioned and then ad after ad on Facebook appears.

Anyway these apps and browsers spend every minute you are interacting with them to what they feel will make you happy. As we all know stuff and likes only bring temporary happiness. I have never down loaded tic toc because it scares me. I read an article from a lady who got sucked into the Qanon movement by watching a couple and then that was all she was getting in her feed. If someone sends me a funny tic toc, I will watch it but the app would lead to even more wasted time for me. I know myself too well.

So he then started talking about babysitting and how a baby sitter is a hired hand and your parents are your owners. The hired hand lets you get by with all sorts of stuff because they are just looking for a paycheck and they do not have your best interest at heart. The hired hand will abandon you in rough times every single time. They have no investment except what they can make off of you. Sound a little like social media? They are only interested in profit. Your parents and Jesus are your owners and they want what is best for you even if temporarily it seems like they don’t. I would die for my children but I certainly wouldn’t die for anyone else’s. I guess that’s just life.

John 10:14-15 I am the good Shepard; I know my sheep-just as the father knows me and I know the father-and I lay down my life for the sheep.

Mole Moral ~ Do you love what Jesus does for you or do you love who he is?

Today marks the one year anniversary of my fathers death. I have waited a year to tell his story but I feel its important I do it now so that it is in my blog for when I am gone.

My dad was born in 1942 and his parents were 45 and 50 years old when he was born. He had two older brothers Tom and Bob who were 20+ years older than he. Around the age of 18 months his mother took him to the Memorial Day dedication ceremony where they decorated the graves and had food and things. He ended up covered in misquote bites and then contracted polio. She went to her grave thinking the bites caused the polio but that is not how its transmitted. My dad ended up partially paralzyed and went to Shriners Hospital. Someone in the family was a Shriner. My dad never needed an iron lung but his legs never fully recovered. He was in braces and crutches until high school. He was told repeatedly he would never walk without them but he was determined not to enter high school with braces and crutches. Somehow he taught himself to walk by throwing his legs forward with little to no calf or thigh muscles. Most of his muscles had either atrophied or were removed during the many surgeries he had. Every doctor that ever saw him after said it was impossible for him to be walking but yet there he was walking. He had a limp that probably bothered him but I never even really thought about it. His parents told him he would never marry and probably be a secretary for a job. His mom was a worrier and was convinced she would not live long enough to see him graduate high school.

He grew up in Salem and one night he and another guy showed up at my moms house for a date. Well my mom was watching her brother who is 16 years younger than her. She said she couldn’t leave the house but could at nine. She didn’t think they would come back but they did. When she was introduced to my dad she told him “you look like a John”. He was like thanks I look like a toilet. That began their dating and writing letters back and forth until they were eventually married in June of 1962. He took a job with ACIC Aeronautical Chart and Information Center as a clerk. Shortly after my parents married his job was going to be relocated to Ohio so he resigned and then his boss recommended for him to join the negative engraving department. He was in that department for the rest of his career. ACIC then assimilated with the Defense Mapping Agency which we always referred to as DMAC. Maybe the C stood for center as I am too lazy to do in-depth reading on this. I am assuming some restructuring occurred when its name changed once again to National Imagery and Mapping Agency (NIMA). The flood of 1993 destroyed the south Saint Louis facility so a new one was built just one mile from my house. It opened in 1998 and my father worked in that building until he retired. The name changed again in 2003 to National Geospatial Agency which it is still currently is called. My father officially retired after forty years of service but did go back as an independent contractor for a few years. He was the last negative engraver to do it by hand. Everyone else was using a computer. He did his job perfectly and could draw a straight line without a ruler. It was crazy. He saved every piece of paper he ever received from his job and I spent about four hours looking through all of them. I came to the conclusion my dad was an excellent employee, was well liked and received many awards and bonus’s for his work. I also have a resume he submitted when he upgraded his job. Now I know that a lot of my sisters and I work ethic comes from him as well as my mother. He never once mentioned an award or anything.

As for my grandmas thoughts she was wrong about all of it. He was far more than a secretary. After all once we started the Iraq war my father told he knew it was coming based on what he was doing at work. My father also had top security clearance for a long time. He also saved his reapplications for security clearance. These had a wealth of information in them including addresses for my grandparents, his second wife, and his brothers houses in the past. My father also married, not once but three times. She not only lived long enough to see him graduate from high school but also my sister and I, as well as my graduation from nursing school. She obviously worried too much!

I was at work on May 26 and at 10:25 my phone rang and it was some weird name I had never seen so I ignored it. This person left a voice mail which was really weird. It was from a cop calling on behalf of his wife. I thought this is a trick and then I thought what if its not so I shot her a text and she said it was real it was about my father. So I said let me finish this colonoscopy and I will call you in-between cases. So I dropped the patient off and went into our break room. I was not prepared for what I heard that day. She told me that she had went to Target and when she came home my father had shot and killed himself. I went into shock. I walked out of the break room almost straight into Dr. Heavey. I repeated this to him and he put his arm around me and told me he was sorry and he would take me wherever I wanted to go. I said take me to Chris so he did. I eventually called Brian’s parents and asked them to pick me up because I was in no shape to drive. I called Brian and my mother. On the way home I bossed Brian’s parents around and said please stop at the gas station, I need cigarettes and do not judge me. My sister had spoken to the cop and knew he had died but not how. His wife asked me to tell my sister before she arrived. I told my sister who was driving to pull over but she didn’t listen to me. She did eventually pull over. So she arrived at my dads house before they had taken his body away. He had taken the riding lawn mower down to the woods and went where you couldn’t see him to end his life. Just like my dad not to make a mess in the house or in his perfect yard. I was not mad at my dad for this at all because as usual there is more to the story.

When the medical community first started seeing post polio syndrome my father said to me “If I ever need to be in a wheelchair because I cannot walk anymore, I want you to shoot me.” I was in my teenager years and I knew he was serious. He did not want to live if he could not walk and be independent. Covid hit in March of 2020 and the last time I ever saw him was Christmas of 2019. Because of his wife’s health issues they were locked in their house and went no where except to the doctors office. They had everything delivered. During this time his mobility began to really go downhill. It got to the point that he would only go to the mailbox after dark so his neighbors wouldn’t see him fall. He no longer slept under Grandma Carty’s quilt because it was too heavy for him to move his legs. He also experienced skin cancer on his face during the lockdown and was told he couldn’t really be outside anymore. He loved the outdoors and was always messing around in his yard. Then the final blow came when he had a colonoscopy and was diagnosed with a form of ulcerative colitis and was told he would have diarrhea for the rest of his life. The medicine they put him on to control it made his feet swell and he barely could walk. He told my sister it was a death sentence and was gone a week later. I totally understand why he said F this and went to be with Jesus. I mean if he were a dog we would have put him to sleep. I know this may sound really harsh but its the truth.

After he died I knew I wanted a tattoo of his signature. My sister surprised me and got one of a bike. My dad rode a bike all his life. His brothers bought him his first bike when he was little. He use to pop wheelies in front of my Grandma just to make her have a fit that he was going to get hurt. He did the moonlight ramble for many years. He also rode the Katy trail for miles on end. He never ever wore shorts and I only saw his legs once. He was trying to care a tire down the basement steps and fell and broke his leg. He came to Mercy’s emergency room so I came down and stayed with him. He really did not have much leg muscles at all. I totally understood why he wore jeans his entire life even to bike ride for miles on end. So my mom who swore she would disown me if I got one more tattoo said I should have a Corvette with his name because he loved Corvettes all of his life. So finally right before Christmas I found his signature on the reapplication for security clearance and a picture of his corvette and took it to All Star Tattoo. It turned out amazing. I really wanted it on my foot but wouldn’t have been able to wear shoes for two weeks so I said ok forearm works for me.

My parents divorced when I was five. Everyone said my sister and I were ruined because of it. However my parents remained great friends throughout my fathers life and I think we would have been ruined if they stayed married. They were better off as friends than as spouses. My father remarried for the second time just a few years later. His second wife also had two daughters close to my sisters and mine ages. As time went on the wife became increasingly jealous of all three of us and eventually gave my father an ultimatum “me or your kids”. He chose us and divorced her. I am not sure if he ever got totally over her and I still have pictures of her and her kids and her with my father. When i was in high school my mom wanted to take my sister and I to Disney World. She called and told my dad and he said why don’t i come with you. So ten plus years after their divorce we took a family vacation. I will always remember riding Space Mountain with him and conning my mother into riding it. She talks about it to this day as she is not even a roller coaster fan. He also use to take my sister and I to Six Flags every summer. I can remember him riding the Screaming Eagle over and over with us. As an adult I don’t know how he did it. Maybe it wasn’t as rough when it opened back in 1976. He and I rode it the year it opened but my sister was too short to ride. He also use to take us on float trips and I will never forget the very last one. I was in nursing school and it was October. I was trying to pull the boat up on shore and dumped my sister and him in the water. He cannot swim but it wasn’t over his head. However he was stuck wearing wet jeans the rest of the float. I always thought this is why we never went again. I was convinced he was going to kill me but surprisingly he wasn’t mad at all.

When my mom threatened to throw me out of her will, I laughed and said dad is way richer than you and I am in his will. I remember telling my dad that and he cracked up. However the laugh last was on me! I never really cared about his money and was only curious how much he was worth. I will never know and that is ok. My father had an incredible life and I just wanted to share part of his story. He was the last Carty in his family line. His older brother adopted a son who sadly has passed and never had children and his other brother and wife never could have children. So the only Carty’s left are my mom, my sister and I.

Mole Moral ~ Death always reveals peoples true colors!

If you have ever traveled with me you already know that I have a bad habit of either picking shady hotels or even worse booking two for the same night. I refuse to divulge how many times this has happened. So when I was booking hotels for this trip I was very careful. I purposefully didn’t pick the cheapest on the list either. I had purchased an itinerary guide and it listed what cities and how many nights to stay. It was very helpful and I was so proud of myself. I was batting a thousand until Zion.

I used booking and put the app on my phone to make it easier to keep track of. I made sure all the places had good reviews and at least eight of ten rating. So we are driving to Zions bed and breakfast and I realize two things. First we aren’t even close to Zion and two we are pulling up to someone’s house. My first thought was thank God it was our actual anniversary so Brian can’t off me right here right now. He and I are not airbnb people much less staying in a strangers house. So we both say here goes nothing. The lady that greeted us was super nice and the minute we walked in we were greeted by three awesome dogs and I looked over to the right to see a quilting room. The quilts are amazing and spectacular. I was blown away.

I didn’t notice right away but I’m sure Brian did there were all sorts of animals mounted and hanging on the walls as well as antlers. I told him do not be getting any ideas. She showed us around and then made sure we were ok staying there and then charged us. I felt strangely at home.

Her house has both central heat and wood heat. This was her house growing up. She had an old stove from like the late eighteen hundreds that was cool. She also had a player piano and showed us how that worked. She had a few rolls (the music which makes it play) and said you can still find them on the internet. I knew my mom would love this.

The next morning all the pieces came together when she asked Brian if he knew where he was at. He was like no. She said he was in Colorado City. He was like not ringing a bell. She then asked if he ever heard of Warren Jeffs. I certainly had as I love ID channel. He kind of did and then she went on to explain polygamy. Yes she and her family were in but her father only had one wife. She shared that she was married to the oldest of 52 kids I believe. I have no idea for how long and I don’t ask personal questions. She and her sister did get out of the cult as she called it. She recently moved back to her parents house when it went up for sale and started the bed and breakfast.

As we were driving to Zion that morning he said to me I knew she was Mormon. She fits the look that you see on TV. I said it explains the quilting skills. She also told us the back way into the park so we could see the checkerboard rock formation and the mile long tunnel. Also if we were going to do the hike up the slot canyon with the water to rent the equipment. She said other guests refused because they were too cheap and ended up injured and costing more than the rental equipment. A hotel clerk would not have told us any of it.

Brian did try to harass me about picking this place until I finally said I really think this is a God thing. He wanted us to be here and meet her so that’s enough. It was pretty awesome to drop in on a totally different culture and to catch a glimpse of the old ways. This gal made home made bread which was yummy. Her cinnamon rolls were very, very good. Her biscuits were almost as good as Grandma Miller’s. I only ate two but could have easily eaten four. I behaved myself.

We are almost home as I’m finishing this blog up. This was probably the most favorite part of my trip. Such nice and interesting people. I’m glad I screwed up on this one (although I blame God) because it makes for even more wonderful memories.

Mole Moral ~ Jumping out of ones comfort zone can turn into a huge blessing.

It’s been a rather strange year, so I expected nothing but Christmas to be strange as well. In a way it was because it was the most peaceful amazing Christmas I may have ever had. Orginally we were going to spend the week with Emily. It was the first year ever that I had a week off around Christmas. However as covid numbers began rising and with two covid tests in a week, I decided the wise thing to do would be to stay home. I did not put a tree up this year but did get out my advent add an ornament tree. Allyson faithfully added an ornament every day and placed the angel on top on Christmas Day. One day the ornament was a girl with dark hair. I said oh that’s Emily and Kayla is the angel cause she has blonde hair. Allyson was like thanks a lot mom, I have dark hair too.

This was my seventeenth year of Christmas Angel. When I was sick at the start of it, I realized this is my second favorite two weeks of the year. The only thing better is Big Stuf camp. This years deliveries were very uneventful. I did two families and neither’s doorbell worked. On the second night I did manage to run over a deer that had just been hit by another car. No damage done to mine. My sister wanted Christmas Angel as well but couldn’t afford the gifts. I told her I’d buy them and also wrap as long as she delivered them. As much as I would love to do five or six families there is not enough time in the evening to deliver them all. It never fails the two people I choose always live in opposite directions. I really hope the crazy nightly gifts brightened their day as much as it did mine being stealth and not getting caught.

I will now reveal the best Christmas present of all. Six years ago a friend of mines husband passed away from ALS leaving behind four children. Since then we have talked about me making quilts out of his t-shirts for each of them. This was the year she was finally ready. I was so honored that she asked me to do them for her. Also, that she trusted me with them. We chatted about what she wanted and divided the shirts up and she left me to my creative abilities. She also gave me extra tshirts to use as fillets so every shirt was his. He was a big blues fan so I found blues material for the back. I had a lot of fun putting the quilts together and deciding what would go in the blank spaces. I must give a shout out to those St Louis 250 cakes because the arena cake had the checkerdome on it in a way that I could quilt. Here are all four of them.

On Christmas Eve I received a video of the youngest opening the quilt. His reaction warmed my heart and made me cry at the same time. He recognized all the shirts and was so confused at first at to where it came from. I could tell he loved it and it meant so so much to him. The other three had the same reaction and to me this was the best Christmas present of all. To create something from my heart that gave joy (and a little sadness that their dad is no longer here with them) to four wonderful people.

Mole moral ~ It wouldn’t be Christmas without a crazy gift from Brian. This year it was a scratch off and I didn’t even win. I gave him 100,000 bars so we were even. Often the greatest gifts are not objects.

I meant to write this on his sixteenth birthday but as usual I am a few days late. His entire life except for the day he was born, I seem to forget his birthday. But the late birthday presents make up for it, well maybe, probably not.

Anyway, I woke up to a message from his mom. She had ordered a yard sign to be placed in their yard as a surprise. It was a surprise all right.

At first I was horrified and then I shook my head and said he’s a Mole as well so of course this happened. The rest of the day I cracked up laughing every time I thought about it. Also, this has given him another nickname. Brian immedialty said I must text Trevor happy birthday. I was talking to his dad the next day and he said the older gentleman saw this on the way to work and flipped out thinking he had been calling Tyler by the wrong name for the past two years. The company fixed his name very quickly so when the older guy came home it was back to Tyler and he was relieved.

It’s hard to believe it’s been sixteen years since Tyler was born. He was born very close to Halloween which was my holiday back then. Since I knew his mom would be in the hospital, I asked if I could have Sarah for Halloween. Since she agreed I went all out and turned my kids and nieces and nephew into the wizard of oz. I made all the costumes and it was one of the last times I ever made costumes.

Tyler’s sister was Glenda the Good Witch. I will never forget Sarah’s grandfather saying she looked like she was wearing a Pope hat. It made me very proud of being able to make it.

Sierra wanted to be Dorothy so I said ok. Emily is still mad at me to this day. I came up with the creative idea to make her the house that falls on the wicked witch since she didn’t want to be the wicked witch of the west. However I used a card board box which became way too heavy. Looking back I should have used a styrofoam cooler. Anyway this was my favorite Halloween.

I still cannot believe its been sixteen years since he was born. In some ways it seems like yesterday and others it was a long, long time ago. I guess that’s what happens when you get older. Tyler was convinced he would get a 100 on his driving test. He indeed made a ninety seven so perhaps he is the only kid I should ever drive with. He wants to learn how to drive my manual and his father said “why, only people over forty know how to drive one.” I will let him attempt just like I have every other kid that has wanted to try. He will probably pick up on it as if he’s driven one his entire driving career.

So I gave him a gift card to QT and told him not to be buying smokes or alcohol with it. Then I said never mind about the alcohol, the crazy kid has never drank anything besides chocolate milk and water EVER. I mean if he had juice it was before the age of drinking out of a cup. I also made cupcakes out of Great Grandma Northcutt’s chocolate cake recipe because he will always be “chocolate boy” a nickname given to him by Emily’s first boyfriend!

Mole Moral ~ We are all crazy and quirky in our own way! It’s best to laugh and embrace the craziness!

There are two specific rules regarding patients that I remember well from nursing school. The first is never date a patient. You can read about that fiasco here. The second was to never keep in touch with patients because they felt you wouldn’t follow through. Remember I was in nursing school before the internet, social media, cell phones etc. All of these have just added another layer of rules. I usually follow rules but I have broken this one twice.

Yesterday was a big event in the Mole house as Allyson flew to California all by herself. All year she had been saying she wanted to spend the summer with Emily and for most of the year it was going to work out where Allyson could drive back with Emily when she was here getting her car inspected. However due to Fox calling school off a couple of times for bad weather that never happened the last day of school got pushed off and Emily was leaving the day Allyson had finals. Emily was starting her next job and could not delay her leave date. So I scoured the internet for flights and finally found the cheapest one. It meant she had a layover in Phoenix but I found one with only sixty-six minutes. This made me nervous and relieved at the same time. Nervous because if flight one was late and she missed flight two, it would be a bit of a nightmare getting her on another flight without me being there. A relief in that it was way less time for her to be sitting around the airport with creeps. I watch way too much Discovery ID. I was also glad her final destination was San Luis Obispo and not LAX. Emily was too as Los Angeles is a four-hour drive from her house and San Luis Obispo is only an hour.

I waited for her to get through airport security before I left for home. She didn’t even turn around and wave or anything. But she did text me the minute she made it to the gate. Prior to this we reviewed how to look at the monitors to find out what gate her next flight was at. She said don’t worry mom, if I can’t figure it out I’ll ask someone. And so the wait was on for her to arrive in Phoenix. I was getting a bit nervous but she made it and this was our texting after she landed.

I was cracking up over the “they crawl” comment. She did say they were crawling up and down the aisle of the airplane. She was in the middle seat and the second flight the aisle. I said great because if the window gets blown out, you won’t get sucked out of the plane. The only way to deal with stress is ridiculous humor. She landed safely and is with Emily for the summer.

Mole Moral ~ I am so thankful my kids don’t have my anxiety about not knowing where they are going and needing to know the rules for everything. I don’t think I would have ever flown by myself in high school.

Yesterday I did a Facebook game where it gave a picture review of the year. I had been thinking the year had been kind of yucky but looking at the pictures and reflecting back, the Moles had a really good year. I decided to highlight the positives. Of course having a blog makes remembering things so much easier.

January started with Brian finally getting a TV that hangs on the wall. He also lost a dollar bet in that the TV would be gone from his friend’s apartment trash site before the trash came. He didn’t even get it unloaded before someone took it off of his hands.

February was the worst headache I had ever had in my life. I call that a ten out of ten pain because I prayed for almost eight hours straight for God to take me to heaven to be with my grandparents. I would have shot up heroin if it would have taken the pain away. No matter what drugs were given to me, nothing touched it. Only when my primary did a neck manipulation did it start to go away. This would be important later on.

March was when Emily moved back home from Kansas City. It was her last Physical Therapy clinical’s in the burn unit at Mercy. She loved it and I loved the fact that I worked there when I was pregnant with her and now she was there. I also officially announced that I had to postpone the fifty mile run that i had planned for April. I actually cried the first time I said it out loud but my boss Emily said “oh you will run it in the year you turn fifty and that counts”. She is so smart.

In April I would finally finish a crochet granny square blanket. All my life I wanted to learn how to make granny squares. My Grandma Carty had a pillow made out of them and an afghan. Finally thanks to you tube I was able to understand the pattern. Little did I know that at the end of the year, I would give this blanket to my best friend for baby number eleven.

May brought my fiftieth birthday and my oldest graduation from Rockhurst. Emily is the first in the family to have a doctorate degree. It was such a proud moment when she walked across the stage and received her diploma and hood.

June brought our last family vacation as a family of five. We spent a week in Tennessee and had an absolute blast. I don’t think there was anything funnier than me on the high ropes trying hard not to fall off or lose my balance. I never laughed so hard in my entire life. Of course Emily took one of the funniest pictures ever in which every one of us was wearing red but her. She called it Mole roll call so no one gets lost. We also went on a wild goose chase for moonshine. The first place we went not only didn’t have it but was shady and in a shady neighborhood. We did eventually find it and then discovered where it can be purchased in St. Louis.

July was the month Emily moved to California. She took her first job as a travel Physical Therapist. Luckily she was only three hours from our good friends Gary and Heidi. Even though she didn’t think I needed to drive out with her, she was glad that I did. We had a great road trip and even saw Mike the Headless Chicken.

August was the fifty mile marathon and Brian and I had a great vacation just the two of us. We spent a week in South Dakota and had a lot of fun. We even trespassed and saw the Flintstones RV park that had closed.

September was my twenty-one day food detox and I felt so good afterwards. I must admit I fell off the wagon in just two short months. It’s a lot of work to make every meal and I started making excuses right and left. Maybe this coming year I will get back on as I never felt so good.

October was the month I got out of my comfort zone. I signed up for a Pokemon walk and met up with other Pokemon people. I didn’t know a single person and I survived. It was also the month of one of my favorite 5K’s. It was the Run for Ovarian Cancer.

November brought my moms fall and surgery. It was a rough month for her. Allyson started her job at the Local House and has made quite a bit of money. Her goal was to pay for her server and have money this summer when she goes out to stay with Emily. She has already met both goals. My headache returned and since Western medicine did nothing earlier in the year I went to a Chiropractor and was greatly improved and able to work within twenty-four hours.

December was the month God almost slapped me upside the head with the Christmas Angel. I really did question if I had picked the right person, even though I knew he had told me it was. I had the most awesome photo and post placed on my wall by the person I had angeled. I have never felt so blessed in my life.

Mole Moral ~ It is so easy to focus on the negative and forget all the positive. Just like one negative comment takes twenty positive ones to make up for.