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CPR can KMA

This May I will have been a nurse for thirty years. I can still remember taking CPR for my first job. That year they had these fancy mannequins that recorded rate and depth on a strip. You had to get so many right to pass. I managed to pass it just fine, but many others did not. They didn’t have to retake it or anything either. Two years later when it was time to recertify they had changed it and no longer required a passing strip. So it was much easier and way less stressful. Two years ago I took one of the last old style classes in which there were instructors and real live people who checked you off. This year it was online with learning modules and then you go into a room and perform on a mannequin that is hooked to a computer that will only pass you if you do it perfectly.

Please keep in mind that I am old school. When I went to nursing school, computers did not exist. I mean there were some a frame type computers but personal computers were not around and everything was typed on a typewriter. I went to class every day and listened to lectures and took notes. So this online stuff is not really my way of learning. I have had numerous people ask me why I don’t go back to school and become a nurse practitioner. One, I have no interest in leaving bedside nursing and two, I do not want to write papers and do group projects to earn a degree. So back to CPR. I did the online stuff without any issues. It only took about two hours to get through all the modules and the simulation stuff. I managed to forget to turn the AED on every single time before applying the pads. Yesterday I went to the lab for the manequin portion.

I did just fine on ventilating the adult and the baby. I also had no issues with the check off for the chest compressions on both. CPR on the baby was ridiculous. I had to push so hard I swore I was going to break both of my fingers. Then the adult came and no matter what I did, I could not pass the three cycles. In the middle of my attempts I posted on Facebook and someone asked if I was having trouble with the ventilation. My response was “I can blow like a porn star!”, it’s the chest compressions I cannot manage to do effectively. Someone else said you have to do it hard, fast, and deep. My first thought was do I look like a dude? Maybe my husband could give me some pointers! I finally asked for help and the gal came over and gave me pointers but by this time I was so exhausted I was told I had to come back the next day or day after depending on how sore I am. She also gave me the you need to work on upper body strength to which I replied I am a runner and that’s what I enjoyed. When she continued to annoy me about upper body strength until I threw out there that I just ran fifty miles. That pretty much shut her up. Yes lady I am in the best physical shape of my life, this computerized mannequin is stupid.

On the way home I started thinking about one of my many bus rides to Big Stuf camp. Jack Riley was on my bus for my very first camp and he was a freshman that year. Fast forward to the year he was an Obtern and an EMT. We were talking about CPR across the aisle from each other. I said to him “the person is dead so if you screw it up, it’s not like you killed the person.” He started cracking up and knew what I said was true. However the other kids sitting around us about lost it. But I speak the truth, if your heart isn’t beating, you are dead and your chances of CPR working is not the greatest. Now if you heart is in an arrhythmia and you have an AED available then your odds have greatly increased. So here I am all worked up over ineffective CPR on a plastic mannequin. I went up to the floor afterwards and burst into tears. My good friend Amy said what is really going on, there is no way you are crying over CPR. I was like seriously my life is cool for a change. It was only this morning I realized what the issue is. I had forgotten to take my crazy pills for over a week, so I took two right away.

I cannot even think about attempting it today. I forgot to take my Fitbit watch off and it put a nice red mark and bruise on the top of my wrist. My arms are killing me and the palms of my hands are bruised as well. Hopefully I can perform tomorrow or I won’t be working until I can pass. Once you expire, Mercy will not let you work. Now had I been taking my medication properly I would look at it like this “I can’t pass, cool I get a day off work.” But since I am unmedicated I look at like this “Oh look Rachel is such a loser and horrible nurse she can’t even pass CPR.” The second statement is beyond false but the voices in my head like to shout at me and without Zoloft they are louder than my God voice that tells me I am a treasured child and a really cool person. Work has just called me to come in so I will sign off.

 

Mole Moral ~ If you are CR, never attempt CPR unmedicated!

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When it rains, it pours

Last Saturday started the most ridiculously stupid and frustrating week I think I have ever had. I am sharing in the hopes that it makes at least one person laugh. Looking back I can crack up but in the moment I wanted to kill someone.

Kayla was out and about for Mardi Gras and texted me that she lost her atm card and asked me to call and cancel it. So I called the number on the back of my card. I was told that even though I was on her account, I could not cancel it that she ould have to call. However, I was allowed to place it on hold until she could call.

The next day was the ice storm and for some stupid reason I thought it would be a great idea to walk to get coffee instead of driving. On my way back I stepped onto a patch of ice and my feet went out from underneath me. I first hit my butt and then cracked my head on concrete without breaking my fall. That was probably a good thing because I probably would have broken my arm. I never developed any signs of a head injury except for a big knot on the back of my head so I survived that. Kayla also learned that someone had found her debit card, looked her up on Facebook and called her place of employment and told them they would be returning it to the credit union.

On Monday the credit union called her and said someone had returned it and it would be in the vault. So on Tuesday I head up there only to be told since it was placed on hold, they destroyed it and I would have to get her a new one. I got called into work at the moment so saved that for another day.

On Wednesday I am finishing up work and Brian texts to tell me our new credit card had been denied. I had just signed up for it and received it because they were offering 60000 airline miles if you charged three thousand dollars in three months. Since we are starting home remodeling I knew this would not be a problem. I also use credit cards like cash and pay them off every single month. There is no way I am paying interest or late payment charges. That is a total waste of money. So all of my cards have some kind of cash back offer and they all lose money on me the money nazi. So I come home from work and call the credit card company to find out why the charges were denied. The first thing I am told is that she has to verify my identity which is fine with me. Until she wants to verify my phone number. I just changed my number about five weeks ago and I forgot when I signed up with this card, I actually used Emily’s number because it wouldn’t let me use my new number. So she has me give her another card to verify my identity but when she calls back she tells me the phone number doesn’t match. I say of course it doesn’t because its my old number. I become so frustrated I yell at her that why can’t I give her my social security number or a first-born child. She tells me not to shout at her (I hear God whisper soft at that exact moment) so I apologize. So she then asks me if Emily is near by so she can call her. I say no my kid is in California and briefly explained the entire phone story to her. Finally she decides she can call my husbands number to verify my identity. I am assuming because he is on the account as well. So after thirty minutes all is right with the credit card and we are back in business.

Thursday I went to the credit union and got Kayla a new card. That was super easy for a change. I also mailed Emily her contacts and glasses and put a thousand dollars worth of insurance on them because of the issue I had with her books. On Saturday I would realize I recycled the tracking receipt but luckily they arrived with no issues. I had also put her airline credit card in the package as well. This is how we are flying to Disney in October.

On Friday I get on-line to look at my Costco credit card and I notice I have a charge from amazon for prime movies. I was like what I have prime and I am not paying for some movie subscription. So I get on the phone with amazon and she has to confirm my identity as well. It wasn’t quite as complicated as last time but I had quite a good time telling her my stories. She was cracking up. We finally figure out it is a kindle book that was coded wrong. As I am getting ready to leave work Kayla texts me that she has now lost my credit card that she carries in case of an emergency. This one all the free money goes to college expenses. I have had it the longest of all. So I get home from work and cancel it. Then about two hours later she texts me that she found it but I informed her it was too late, I had already canceled it.

On Saturday I get back on Costco to check my balance (yes I have issues with checking all my credit cards and checking accounts) and a note pops up saying there is potentional fraud on Brian’s card. Sure enough there are double charges so I have to close that card as well. At least i could do that on line without speaking to anyone or having to confirm my idenity.

 

Mole Moral ~ I will not change my phone number ever again. Even it I can have six free iphones, a permanent cook and housekeeper!

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Spoofing

 

For the third time since I got my new phone number I got a call from a 277 number. My first three digits are also 277 so I figured it was one of those spoofer numbers to trick me into a telemarketer call. They never left a message until today. Of course I only set my voicemail up a few days ago so it was impossible to leave me a message. Well today this number left a message.
I listened to the message and was shocked to hear a man’s voice say I don’t know who you are Rachel but if you don’t know me stop calling this number. I was like umm what? So I check my call log and I have never dialed that number. So I did what any stalker crazy person would do, took a screen shot of my call log and sent them a text saying they are calling me I have never called them. Within minutes my phone rings again.
I answered to a lady demanding to know who I am and if I was a person or a business. I was nice and told her this was my new cell phone number. She then proceeds to bawl me out for calling her. I tell her again that I have never called her. She told me I better figure out what the issue is and hinted she would file a complaint. So again I did what any crazy stalker person would do, I called my cell phone provider.
Apparently someone has stolen my phone number to use as a spoof number and calling all the 277 numbers. I asked if I could get in trouble. She said nope there is no record of my number calling the other 277 number so nothing I can be in trouble for. She said they only use the number for about two weeks. So I had a choice I could call this lady back and explain spoofing to her or do nothing.
I chose to do nothing. She was beyond rude. When I see a number I do not recognize I don’t answer it. If they don’t leave a message I know it’s no one I want to speak too. I am not one to call back and say this number just called me, who are you and what do you want. I just honestly don’t care enough to waste that amount of time. Apparently other people have nothing else better to do with their time. Had this lady been nice I would have given her my time but since she was not, I hope my number calls her every day for the rest of the month!

Mole moral ~ Leave it to a mole to have their number be a spoofer number when the Moles all know about spoofing and not to answer numbers that are close to theirs.

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My mandatory cab ride

Almost two years has passed since one of the most stressful events occurred in my life. It is only now that I can write about it.

I was at work and I had taken a Motrin out of the medication machine to give a patient for pain. The next time I went to the medication machine it popped up that I had a partial dose to waste. This reminder is for narcotics so that they are wasted with a witness. I clicked on it to see who it was for and it was for the patient I had given the Motrin to. There was only one problem, I had not given that patient any morphine that day. I immediately thought who am I working with that would have pulled something out from under my name. I went straight to the day supervisor and reported it to her. She made a mental note and said we’d look into it later. Every time I signed in, the warning would pop up causing me to be suspicious of my co-workers. A couple of hours later one of my most favorite nurse buddies came up to the nurses station and said “there are NINETEEN vials of morphine missing from the medication machine”. I stopped dead in my tracks, my heart stopped beating and then said I have a partial waste on morphine that I never gave. So our awesome pharmacist sprung into action and contacted the director of pharmacy. As the pharmacist left she told me not to worry. This was on a Thursday. No one contacted me on Friday so I figured all was fine.

My next shift was Monday which happened to be leap day, my most favorite day ever. I called at ten to see if I was needed and the charge nurse said no. Shortly thereafter my manager called and said I needed to come in. Alarms, bells, and whistles all went off in my head. I went straight to her office and she informed me we were going to HR. Pure CR panic then ensued. She told me to relax, I had nothing to worry about. I kind of believed her until I saw we were joined by not only HR (thank god it wasn’t CC from the spare me incident or I would have died right there on the spot), but the director of pharmacy, and the director of women’s services (who was my manager at one time). I remember thinking this is some serious stuff right here.

So I spent the next thirty minutes talking with these people. I learned that someone had badged into the medication room about a minute after I left. This was when the morphine was removed. At this time I was in my patients room scanning the Motrin to give to her and could not be in both places at the same time. So the pharmacist told me I forgot to log out which is against policy. Well no kidding but he did admit nurses are distracted with their work phones and constant interruptions. The medication machine is a touch screen so it’s easy to think you have logged out when you didn’t hit the exit button quite right.

Up next was the HR guy who informed me I would need to take a drug test. If I refused I would be terminated immediately. If I took it then I would be sent home until the results were back. If they came back negative I would be paid as if I worked, if positive I would have to use PTO and other things would happen. I swear I said “bring on the pee test”. So off to employee health we went.

Normally I can pee every five minutes, any time, anywhere but not this day. I was so freaked out that it just wasn’t happening. I drank two glasses of water and cursed Dr. V’s sling. But finally I was able to go and then told I either had to have someone pick me up or be sent home in a cab. Because I had completed a for cause drug screen, they could not let me drive home. If I was indeed under the influence and then had an accident they would be liable. I could think of no one because my brain was shut down so I picked a cab and said no Uber. I had just watched Criminal Minds where a fired Uber driver went around killing people. They assured me it would be a cab.

I made my manager and the HR guy sit outside and wait for the cab to show up. It was beautiful that day. I wasn’t in the cab five minutes before I called my mom to tell her the story. I then texted Meg to tell her I was sent home in a cab. She responded I was lying so I took a picture of the inside of the cab. I chatted with the cab driver and told him it was the first time I had ever been in a cab. I told him my oldest had been in plenty. He found the story interesting. I finally made it home and then the waiting game began.

It was late Thursday before I was finally given my negative results and the green light to return to work. I was ok at home for the first day or so and then my imagination went crazy. I thought maybe I had busted up a drug ring and the DEA was going to show up at my door to question me. Nothing like that happened so I returned to work not knowing who stole the morphine. I did know it was not a women’s health nurse because they all worked during this time.

Three months later I was told who it was because the Missouri State Board of Nursing needed to talk to me. I was so shocked and it took a good two weeks for it to process fully. I never saw that person on the floor that day. I couldn’t decide if I should kick the person in the gonads or pray for them. I chose to keep it to myself even after I spoke to the board. Then the wait began for the investigation to be over with and this nurse be charged.

I waited twenty months before the paperwork showed up on the state board website. I read it and was in shock and disbelief. This person was only charged with testing positive for marijuana in their urine and then terminated from Mercy. I couldn’t believe they had gotten by with stealing morphine and putting me through hell. At this point I was back to wanting to kill this person but I decided once the actual state board of nursing came out with the person’s name listed I would finally reveal it.

It was this past Friday when the paper came to my house. Almost two years have passed and seeing it in black and white made me even more mad. First of all this person got away with stealing. Second of all it looks like this person is a recreational pot smoker instead of the narcotic stealer they really are. Justice was not served at all. Today I started thinking I wonder how people feel whose family members are murdered and the murderer gets away with it. That has to be a million times worse.

Leap day will always be my favorite day but I will also remember this until the day I die. I tell all new nurses to be very diligent about logging out of the medication machine because you never know who may sneak in behind you. I am sure they all think I am insane but I wouldn’t want anyone to go through the stress I went through or being so mad at the injustice of it all. I have to constantly tell myself God will take care of it in His time and in His way. He really should just listen to me and do it MY way.

 

Mole Moral ~ Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. This makes life so much easier.