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There’s A Sucker Born Every Minute

I decided to look the origin of this saying up when I decided on the title. It was quite the interesting story. The expression has been associated with PT Barnum but he is not the one who actually said it. It really was about one of the most famous hoaxes in American History. Briefly a man named Hull hired someone to create a 10 foot petrified man that he then pretended to dig up and discover. He then charged twenty-five cents to view it. He eventually sold it to a museum and the museum refused to sell it to PT Barnum so Barnum hired someone to create a replica and then called the one in the museum a fake. The lawsuit was dismissed because you can’t call a fake statue when the original was fake. The story is very entertaining and the statue is ridiculous looking and worth googling.

About six weeks ago some guy started messaging me on Fitbit. He had some nice little quotes and nice words so I started chatting with him. He asked for me to send a picture of myself to which I responded I have two rules that I have drilled into my children head, one don’t put anything on the Internet or Facebook that you don’t want the entire world to see and two don’t send pictures of yourself to people you haven’t met in real life. I had just recently broken rule one and no way I was breaking rule two. I didn’t hear from him for a couple days but then he started back up messaging me. Keep in mind as you are reading this that my husband is convinced he wants nude photos. Here is the background he told me. Originally from Spain (I knew English was not his primary language) and dual citizen. Works for UN in NY but currently in Afghanistan on a peace keeping mission with the UN. He is divorced and has a 12 year old son who is in boarding school in NY that he hasn’t seen in a while.

Yesterday I am running up my hill, trying not to die when I get a message asking for me to send him an iTunes gift card so he can talk to his son. I had just finished watching part one of Dr. Phil show not three hours ago. This eighty year old man’s wife had passed away and he started internet dating. He met this girl that was supposedly stuck in Germany and he had sent her one hundred and fifty-thousand dollars over the past six months. He had never met her in person or spoken to her on the phone. So I let this guy have it. I told him I would never send him money. I have watched the show Catfish one too many times and I told him about the Dr. Phil show. He apologized and said to forget he ever asked but I have a feeling I will never hear from him again.

When I came in from running and told Brian he looked at me and said, just send him nudes. I said look dude I don’t send nudes to you and I know you in person, no way am I sending them to a stranger that is a freaking scammer. It would be nice if people could just be real and who they are. Don’t spend six weeks being nice to me and checking in on me because you think I am going to fall for your stupid money scam. Be assured I looked at his Fitbit stats and he doesn’t even own one. He has never had any steps listed or any badges or trophies. I discovered this two weeks ago.  I am so much smarter than I look and I have excellent assessment skills. I had a feeling this was where this was going so I just played along.

 

Mole Moral ~ One day I will actually listen to Meg Barry!

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Nicknames

In the Mole family, if we like you, you usually end up with some sort of nickname. I am not sure when this started but it certainly is a tradition. Today one of Emily’s friend (Heather) posted about cloth diapers. Now the Trollinator has two children well under the age of two so I commented and tagged Emily in my comment. This caused a text to me asking me to explain the purpose of cloth diapers to her boyfriend Micheal.

So I explained how they worked and how it helped the environment. He was throwing a fit and grossing out just like her father did when she was born. Brian got on board with the diapers. Then I remembered I used a diaper service for the first six months. I told Emily about it and how you didn’t even have to rinse the dirty ones. Now we did because a weeks worth of poopie diapers in a diaper pail is just gross. Micheal continued to gross out and I said please tell him to calm down you aren’t even married yet much less expecting.

And so I then remembered the nickname of our diaper guy. We called him Dan, Dan the diaper man. I cannot remember for sure if his name was even Dan but he came every week and picked up the used and gave us new. He was a super nice guy.

 

Mole Moral ~ Nicknames are a lot of fun in my house! Please call me Big Red from Bring it on and not Married with Children. HaHaHa

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My Masterpiece

About six months ago my boss asked me if I would make a T-shirt quilt for her niece. I said sure just bring in the shirts. Of course the gal who always loses her debit card forgot to bring them home. Fear not, for my boss put them in her office until I remembered I had forgotten them. She gave me free rein to do whatever I wanted.

Therefore I googled T-shirt quilt ideas which was my first mistake. I quickly decided I didn’t want to do the standard cut them all the same size. I did not head the warning that said do not attempt a quilt with varying sizes if you are not an expert. Ok so I thought this girl is just saying this so she can make all the money. It was game on.
I then cut all the shirts up in various sizes. I used both front, back, a sleeve, and a pair of sweat pants. I then laid them out on our pool table and quickly realized I was in over my head.
After about a week of thinking how am I going to make this work and considering sending them to the girl who said not to do it, I thought of the graph paper in the closet. I figured each square could represent an inch. I then measured every shirt square twice and cut the pieces out to represent the dimensions of the shirt pieces. This turned into a jig saw puzzle but I would then be able to know what size to add the blank pieces too. I had this finished by the very beginning of December.
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I had been asked to make T-shirt pillow’s for a friend to give as Christmas gifts so I put the pattern and all the shirts in another room. Because the pillows were made from my friends fathers golf shirts and I had a ton of material left, I made her a quilt out of the leftover shirts.
Sometime after the first of the year I picked it back up and realized it was now or never. I figured out how to sew all these pieces together and keep them flat and nice looking. I did partial seams and stuff. This took a couple of weeks because I did not want to rush. I finally got the top all together and it looked pretty good. Of course I can see little flaws but that’s just me.
I then decided rather than hand quilt around the edges of each square like I normally do, I would quilt around some of the words and the volleyball’s. After I had finished three-fourths of it, I then decided I needed to do the edges as well. I just didn’t like the way it looked.
So I had a bunch of blank material squares and I seriously didn’t want to do anymore volleyball’s so I asked my friend Meg what she thought about putting volleyball fun facts there. She thought that was a fantastic idea so I embroidered a bunch of different things. This took a lot longer than I had originally planned.
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I gave it to my boss this past week and she loved it. She was so excited and couldn’t wait
to give it to her niece. Because she did not ask for this insanity and gave me free rein I only charged her what I had charged for the easy ones. However, I would not even consider making another like it for less than five hundred dollars. This may seem outrageous but when you look at the picture of the back all of that sewing was done by hand. There was no machine involved.

Mole Moral ~ It’s dangerous to give a creative person (who doesn’t think she’s creative) free rein.

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The hot water heater

A couple of weeks ago Brian came up from the basement furious because the hot water heater was leaking. Since he can fix almost anything I asked if he could fix it. He said no we need a new one and then “Red, you need to call these people and demand a new one for free.” To which I responded “Negatory, I just spent the day at the ATT store resetting my pin to cancel and on phone with Charter getting the Golf and NFL channel added for you. Looks like you’re calling.”
So he called and it had a six-year warranty so it would be replaced for free. He just had to take the old one out, bring it to store and get the new one. Because of the mole luck he called the store first and they said bring it on down no problem.
Last week as I was leaving for work he and his current work partner Bobby pull up. They are off to replace the hot water heater. About three days later Brian says I guess I can now tell you what happened. He and Bobby drag the hot water heater into the basement and then Bobby asks him if he wants to unbox it outside. Brian was like no I’m not dragging this back outside, that’s stupid. So as they were opening Bobby yells and takes a run for it. Then a mouse runs out behind him and straight into Emily’s room. Brian pretty much moved to Emily’s room when he was doing the hardwood in our room. He says he sleeps much better down there and I’m like cool I’ll take the queen to myself. When Kayla heard this she thought we were getting divorced. I assured her we are still a married couple just sleep better apart. Hahaha.
After the hot water heater was installed Brian went to the store to get mouse traps. He says to me I strategically placed eight traps and caught it in less than an hour.  I looked at him and said was eight really necessary? He assured me it was.

Mole moral ~ One mouse trap is good but eight is better. If anyone needs some traps we have a few extra

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Running with the Barry’s

I believe I started running about ten years ago. I met Meg Barry nine years ago when she transferred to Women’s Heath after her sixth child. She has vivid memories of her first shift with me that involved the Mercy Heartprints’s program but as usual I have zero memory. She was a lot of fun and we hit it off instantly.
Over the years I learned she played soccer in college and that is where she met her husband Dan. He played baseball and was being scouted until he tore his Achilles’ tendon. It’s just as well because if he were pro, I would have never met Meg. My crazy friend ended up having eleven children (six boys, five girls) before she closed up shop. She then decided to get back into shape. I had heard all these years bad knees, no way can she ever run again. So she started walking then tried running  but jumped up mileage way too fast and swore her knees were shot. I talked to her about slowing it down and soon she was not only running but super fast. She swears she is not fast but anyone in the eight minute mile pace range is super fast for me. I was jealous for a while but I finally got over it. This is not a competition and my running is more slow but endurance. I’d rather run six hours than super fast over a short distance. She tells me I’m crazy she could never run a full marathon. I think I said that before too.
So we signed up for the 7k St Patrick’s Day run at Creve Coeur Lake. I did this race right after my headache two years ago and have zero memory of it. I do have the shirt and the pint glass. I did it last year as well so this year was a no brainer. The pint glass is awesome. Since Meg and Dan live close they had me drive over to ride together.
The race was supposed to be on Saturday but was postponed until Sunday due to weather. This made it on daylight savings time so we all lost an hour of sleep. I had been deathly sick all week and finally climbed out of bed Friday evening. I had also been put on steroids so sleep was not my friend. I show up to the Barry’s at 7:30 (really 6:30) and Meg has always told me she’s not a morning person. She’s not kidding. She asked me why the hell was I so chipper. I said well I’ve been awake for over an hour and on steroids. She and Dan then proceed to tell me today is not going to go well. Dan swears he’s hung over and Meg said she had too much sleep.
So we ran it and by the time I finished they were moving the car closer and exchanging Dans shirt. Since I know how to look results up I do that for them. I discover Dan finished third for his age group and Meg missed third by nine-tenths of a second! I made Dan pick up his medal. I was so excited for him and so annoyed for meg that she barely missed it. I shall live placing in races through them and they can live endurance through me.
Later on Meg looks at her Fitbit to see how much she slept. It said she didn’t wake up until 8:10. By that time we were walking around the park. I thought she looked half asleep but I guess she really was. We have already agreed we are doing it again next year because it was so much fun.
Mole Moral ~ Never say never! Meg said she would never be a runner and yet here she is!!
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Brian and eBay

After an incredibly busy four-hour shift yesterday in which I admitted four patients, sent one home and had to call doctor for the other I came home to Brian saying “I need your help with something.” This almost always means buying something off of the internet. As soon as he picks up his tablet I’m pretty sure I said F me.

Sure enough he found something on eBay he wanted to bid on. It was something for his gun or pistol or whatever the ancient firearm he owns is.

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But it did not have a buy it now feature so it involved bidding. I could not sign into my account on his tablet so I’m like tell me the number and I’ll pull it up on my phone. So he reads me the number that he had written down on the box the locks came in for our new doors.
The auction was at twenty-two dollars  and he didn’t want to go higher than forty with it ending in twelve hours. So I placed the bid and was outbid until I hit thirty dollars. He was shocked and just couldn’t understand. I tried to explain to him how this would work considering I stopped with the auction crap after I invested in amazon prime. On eBay, if buy it now is not an option I just keep scrolling.
So he started texting me at the crack of dawn about where the auction was at. He decided he would go as high as seventy and that was it. So when I was outbid for the third time and put in seventy and still outbid I was finished with that.
He came home and wanted to look at the bidding history. He grabs his tablet to type the number in. He then gets the box he wrote the number on and starts accusing me of losing the box. I inform him I was on the phone with Meg for two hours and did zero housekeeping. I did not touch his box. He keeps it up and then picks up this pen and says this is the pen I used.
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I take one look at it, start cracking up, and said that’s disappearing ink. I used it the day before to draw eyes on a teddy bear to know where to embroider. He’s looking at me like I’m an insane and I say I use it for quilting as well. The ink disappears within twenty-four hours or so without having to wash it. By this time Allyson is cracking up and says only you dad. He tells her it’s a good thing he figured this out, otherwise “ I would have beat you until your mother confessed what she did with the box and the number.”

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Who my Emily was named after

Last week Pokémon Go had a special event where if you did a certain task you got a Pokémon with a heart on its face. I came up with this blog and tracked down the task. However I was unable to throw five great balls in a row to catch the stupid thing. This morning I realized I have friends in a chat group that I am in who were successful and caught them. So I reached out to them for a screen shot. I also asked them to call it Emily, because had I actually caught one I was going to name it Emily Valentine. So here is the picture.

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In case you are wondering what this is about, you know I always have a story. Way back in 1990 the TV show 90210 started and I pretty much watched it every week. Brian would sometimes watch it with me. After I became pregnant I decided if I had a girl I would name her Emily after Brandon’s girlfriend. So this is how Emily got her name and the only information I gave her about the show.
Fast forward twenty-three years or so and Emily is now in physical therapy school. Somehow it came up about her namesake. One of her classmates who was on his second career turns around and says Emily Valentine who burned down the school float. Yeah I might have never told my Emily that her namesake went nuts, doused the float with gas, was sitting on top of it with a lighter and Brendan’s sister had to talk her down and off the float.
I’m my defense I thought that happened long after I came up with the name but I was barely pregnant when that happened. However, Emily was by far my most favorite character on the show so that makes it all ok. My Emily doesn’t take crap off of anyone and who knows if given the chance she just might burn down a school float.
Mole Moral~Always disclose the full story about how your child was named because otherwise at some point someone else will do it for you.