According to Brian, only crazy people ask Shleprock (me) to take them to the hospital for a test. With my bad luck, that’s like asking to die. Oh the Mole house is so, so morbid. My friend Holly is crazy like me and she had me take her for a cardiac cath today. Except it wasn’t exactly a cardiac cath but rather a comedy because the only person who knew what test she was having was the cardiologist. The rest of them would be what I call “clueless wonders”. The nurse had her sign a permit that basically said a cardiac cath with possible stent placement and/or angioplasty. That was scary. Holly was told she was having a left heart cath but everyone else seemed to think she was having both sides of her heart and with dye. Everyone was confused and disoriented even the nurse practitioner who went over the entire cardiac cath procedure. So when the cardiologist comes in he tells her that he is going up her femoral vein (big vein in your leg) and not her artery because he was only measuring the pressures in her heart and not looking for blockage. That there wouldn’t be any dye used because dye isn’t needed to obtain heart pressures. He gets finished talking and I look at him and say “so are you doing a swan ganz catheter.” He looks at me amazed and says yes and asked how I knew this. I said I worked in the burn unit for ten years. (Yep somehow I manage to mention when I worked in the burn unit quite frequently). After he told us it was a swan, I knew the risk was small. After all they let the residents float those in all the time. And heck I use to get the numbers off of them so how hard is that. She got back from her test right as I left for my appointment. I got back from that just in time for the doctor to talk to her. Right after the procedure he told her she had mild pulmonary hypertension (that is high blood pressure in the lungs for my non medical friends) but when he came in he had reviewed the pressure numbers and told her she had moderate pulmonary hypertension. But it was all good because it wasn’t severe like her pulmonologist (lung doctor) was afraid of. Of course the crazy nut had gotten on google and looked this up yesterday and freaked herself out. Then he rambled something about the pressure being up in the right ventricle and maybe she just needed to double her diuretic. However, he is a cardiologist not a pulmonologist so he cannot decide on the medication. When we first signed in, the girl was reluctant to tell her that her CO-PAY for this test was 1300! She has private insurance and still is expected to pay 1300. I am surprised she didn’t have a heart attack and die right there at the desk. I can’t wait to find out what the full billing for this procedure turns out to be. Health care in America is so jacked up!
So Holly survived the test without bleeding to death and was discharged by 2pm just like they said she would be. They told her if she gets home and feels or hears a pop in her leg to call 911 immediately. Then said well its your vein so if that happens you shouldn’t bleed out because it’s not the artery. Then the nurse gives her discharge instructions as if she’s had a cardiac cath and told her not to resume one of her medications for two days because of the dye. Except she didn’t have dye. See everyone confused and disoriented. We had quite the comedy show going and I will end this with my favorite Holly story. Well it’s two of them. I met Holly two days after I came back from the nurses strike. I had just gotten in big trouble for writing “Spare Me” on the dry erase board. I walked up to her and asked her if she smoked. I then said you are giving me a cigarette and we are going to smoke. Oh and my name is Rachel. We were friends from that day forward. A couple of weeks later I realized that she and Brian graduated the same year from the same high school. She asked me what his last name was. I looked at her like she had three heads and said “Moehlmann same as mine” It’s a Holly classic.
Mole Moral~ If you need comic relief before and after a procedure Shleprock is your girl!