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Danny

Sometime around Christmas or maybe after a girl named Kathy spoke at church about a group starting called grief share. I just felt God telling me to go to this. I have done fairly well with my fathers death but perhaps he wanted me there to help others. So I signed up but only made it to about half of them. I plan to repeat it in the fall since I missed the one on heaven as well as a few others.

The very first night I met Danny. Before I proceed I asked his permission to share a little of his story because the rule is what is shared in group stays in group. That night I learned he was married for 51 years. (I thought he was maybe 65 at the most but that math doesn’t add up). His wife had passed away a year prior on a ventilator to covid. The visiting hours were horrible back then and I remember thinking I’m glad I worked in endo because I’m not sure I would have enforced the stupid visitor policies.

At the end of the session he played the guitar and we sang. Danny talks a lot. And by week two he reminded me so much of my Grandpa Miller that it made me happy and sad all at the same time. By the fifth week I couldn’t stand it anymore and asked when his birthday was because I wouldn’t have been the least bit surprised if it was May 23. (That is not only my grandpas birthday but Emily’s birthday who also never stops talking.) Much to my surprise his birthday is two days before my husbands. As much as he talks and is such a good story teller I would have sworn he was a Gemini.

He also had a corvette that he gave to one of his kids or maybe a grandkid. I try not to remember details and treat the group like hippa. So that just made me think of my dad, as my dad loved corvettes all his life. Tonight as we sang our last closing song I thought of Grandpa Miller and that day in January when he was struggling to breath and I took his hand and whispered in his ear it’s ok, go be with Jesus. And then grandpa took his last breath. But I knew then just like I know now, one day I will see him again.

Danny is an amazing guy who looks great for his age. He and his wife sang at nursing homes pre covid and he just started back up again by himself. I know those people enjoy it way more than I do. Everyone in the group was awesome and we all learned we are fairly normal in grief. I don’t have permission to share their stories but they would all agree if you are struggling with grief find a grief share group and just do it.

Mole Moral ~ The most growth often comes when you jump out of your comfort zone.

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The American Mole Virus

It all started a week ago when I woke up with a raging headache. It wasn’t the headache that lasted five weeks and from my neck. It was actually on the opposite side of my head. It was a Saturday and I had to go in at seven for a case so I thought I will take Alleve and sinus medicine and I would be fine. Wrong answer. I’m really not even sure how I made it to work but I had no business driving. I had to call a co-worker and she agreed to cover my case and call. I could not drive home so I thought if I laid down for a bit I could. So I parked myself in one of our before surgery rooms and laid down. It gave me nice flashbacks to the headache on Women’s Health when the charge would have to watch my patients the last hour and I gave report in an empty room laying down. It’s no wonder I ended up in the hospital for a week. Anyway after about two hours I realized I wasn’t driving home anytime soon so I called Brian to pick me up.

I then proceeded to puke so I dug out my four year old zofran and after two doses at least I was no longer nauseated or vomiting but my head was still killing me. That evening Brian put his famous deer jerky on the dehydrator and I went to bed. When I woke up the next morning I realized I could not smell the jerky. Normally it wakes me up in the middle of the night because it is so strong. I seriously thought he forgot to turn it on and actually checked. If I got right on top of it and inhaled deeply I could barely smell it. I then drank the only coffee I had at home which is mocha which I hate and it really tasted ok. It was then I realized I needed to call the employee covid hotline for advice. After a virtual visit I received and email saying I needed to be tested. The girl on the phone said I could go to total access urgent care today or wait and go to one of our testing sites on Monday. I waited until Monday.

I was tested back in May when I threw one of my neck headaches at work and had to leave at 11am. It was only one of two times i have left in the middle of the shift. The other time was when my sister called me at 8am to say her husband had a massive stroke and my co-workers made me clock out and go to the hospital. Anyway that test was horrid. I thought I was going to come out of the chair and I stopped myself from grabbing the girls arm. It all made sense as to why most of the patients when I did that to them (same stick as a respiratory panel) they wanted to punch me. I was better prepared this time and sat on my hands. The gal that did it was super nice. It was a drive up tent and they have little building with some heat but they all wear coats so I knew they were freezing.

My test results were back the next day and negative but my symptoms still yelled covid so the hotline said reach out to your primary and call us back at 6:30 am and we will let you know if you can work at 7. So my primary does a tele visit and says you really should have been positive but you are weird and hard to diagnose. So he puts in for another test on Thursday and tells me to stay off of work. In the meantime the employee health nurse for my hospital is unavailable this week with limited voice mail access. So I will be dealing with the covid hotline for the rest of the week.

So back to the testing site and it’s the same girl. I asked her how she got stuck with this job. She says she applied for it. I told her I wouldn’t mind swabbing people all day but the weather is horrible. She agreed and said once the testing sites are done she will have a clinic job. I have decided that sometime in the next couple weeks I’m bringing them hot chocolate and maybe some donuts or something.

So my second test was negative as well and I call the covid hotline back. They are beyond wishy washy but tell me I can return to work Monday if I don’t have a fever. Advised me not to take anything for a headache on Sunday so I don’t mask a fever. Also told me to contact my primary about my headache. So I sent him a message through Mychart and told him what they said. I said over the counter medication is keeping this headache under control so I am not sure what you are supposed to do but good luck. I actually do not have a headache as I type this so maybe I’m at the end of this mole virus.

I am going to get the vaccine on Monday. They started giving it out this past Thursday. This may have indeed been covid and I am one of these weirdos that test negative. It may be something else. All I know is I never want to feel this bad again and if a shot can prevent that, sign me up. I also want to see my father and my in-laws again. This isolation has been horrible for them.

Mole Moral~ If I ever need an NG tube please use my left nostril because the covid test was way more tolerable in the left than the right.

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Mole Anniversary Dinner

We had hoped to spend our thirtieth anniversary in Utah renting an RV and seeing the amazing parks but covid had other ideas. So instead I came up with the brilliant idea to go out to dinner. I have been in a restaurant twice since things started opening up. I had a gift card to Texas Roadhouse so I decided we should go there.

When we drove up, no one was in the parking lot but one of the workers came up and said the power had just came back on but had been off for some time. He said cops were everywhere across the way so I assumed it was an accident. He said the kitchen should be ready in about thirty minutes so we could sit at the bar, wait in the corral or wait in our car. We chose to sit at the bar.

Brian asks for a bud light and they say sorry we are out of bud light and Budweiser. I just start laughing and say of course you are. So he settled on a Michelob Ultra. I had a margarita and Allyson had water. She asked if she could come along and I said sure you can pay. She claimed she couldn’t find her wallet. We were seated shortly after, only to find out they had no baked potatoes or sweet potatoes because of the power outage. One of the main reasons I wanted to go was for the baked potato so instead of getting all upset I just cracked up laughing and said I am not surprised.

Brian swears they rushed us out of there, while Allyson told him it’s called flipping the tables. The faster you flip, the more money you make. He said the waitress owed him two bucks for rushing him. Luckily Allyson took care of the tip. I had texted Brian earlier in the day that I had just picked up his anniversary present. It was a work coat that he has needed for three years. He is currently wearing a nylon coat that he has duct taped up the tears. So he came home with desert (cheesecake) and orange roses.

Mole Moral ~ One might be disappointed if they actually had a normal uneventful anniversary. Watch out Utah we are coming for you next year!

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Following my calling

When it became clear that almost every single Endoscopy case would be cancelled until the pandemic was over, I realized I had two choices. I could either stay where I was and screen employees or perhaps do one case a day or I could volunteer to help in the ICU. It’s very hard to explain but I knew my choice was the latter. I really felt God was calling me to go there. I’ve been up there for almost three weeks now. Those who volunteered were told they would not have to go to the covid side. Last night I again felt a calling to go to the covid side. Those patients are mostly medical ICU which is what I did all those years ago. I was going to discuss with charge nurse today. Today was my day to take team all by myself and they put me in covid unit, with a nurse I met in my RN orientation. As soon as I verified I could wear an N95 and not a respirator I was ok with it. I did fine with my two patients and actually got to call the spouse of the one and say their loved one was covid negative and would be moving over to the ICU side. Imagine my surprise when it was shared with me that not only is their wedding anniversary the same day as Brian’s parents but the same year as well. As we were hanging up it was said I hope we celebrate our anniversary and I said I hope so too and to stay safe. 

 

Mole Moral ~ Everything happens for a reason and sometimes a super scary situation turns into a huge blessing. Stay safe!!