Tag Archives: grief

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Grief is Annoying

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Later in the month it will be two years since my fathers passing. I have been doing well for quiet a while now until yesterday. It was my birthday and my mom wrote something really nice on my Facebook wall that included my father. I cried off and on at work the rest of the day. So when I got to my car I listened to the voicemail he left on my birthday in 2019. Not sure why I didn’t answer the phone that year as I was on my sabbatical from work. But it cracked me up, just like it did when he first left it.

We talked about this a lot at Grief Share. How sometimes it just hits when you least expect it. So I embraced it and just cried. Brian gave me orange roses which are gorgeous. Then a bottle of his favorite wine. Like seriously ruin a great gift but I think it’s because he was afraid I’d hate the roses or something. He’s one of the most bizarre gift givers I have ever met.

Allyson gave me my gift today. And bam grief back again. She took ceramics this year in college and made me this.

It’s Isla with her weird non eye and all. It looks so much like her. She went with me to put Isla down last October. I never mentioned it on social media because it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. She was extremely aggressive and most likely had rage syndrome. She had bit both Allyson and Kayla for no reason. As well as attacked Moonie many many times. I have said all my life I would not have a dog that bit people. It’s just too dangerous. So we sent Isla to heaven with a message for my dad if she can talk. The vet tech about flipped out but Dr. Smith told her it was the truth.

So I’m sad all over again today. But I tell myself dogs will be in heaven even though Pastor Kevin told me many moons ago Jesus didn’t die to save dogs. Obviously he’s a dog hater.

Mole Moral ~ I learned a long time ago, you don’t get over death, you just learn to live with it.

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Danny

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Sometime around Christmas or maybe after a girl named Kathy spoke at church about a group starting called grief share. I just felt God telling me to go to this. I have done fairly well with my fathers death but perhaps he wanted me there to help others. So I signed up but only made it to about half of them. I plan to repeat it in the fall since I missed the one on heaven as well as a few others.

The very first night I met Danny. Before I proceed I asked his permission to share a little of his story because the rule is what is shared in group stays in group. That night I learned he was married for 51 years. (I thought he was maybe 65 at the most but that math doesn’t add up). His wife had passed away a year prior on a ventilator to covid. The visiting hours were horrible back then and I remember thinking I’m glad I worked in endo because I’m not sure I would have enforced the stupid visitor policies.

At the end of the session he played the guitar and we sang. Danny talks a lot. And by week two he reminded me so much of my Grandpa Miller that it made me happy and sad all at the same time. By the fifth week I couldn’t stand it anymore and asked when his birthday was because I wouldn’t have been the least bit surprised if it was May 23. (That is not only my grandpas birthday but Emily’s birthday who also never stops talking.) Much to my surprise his birthday is two days before my husbands. As much as he talks and is such a good story teller I would have sworn he was a Gemini.

He also had a corvette that he gave to one of his kids or maybe a grandkid. I try not to remember details and treat the group like hippa. So that just made me think of my dad, as my dad loved corvettes all his life. Tonight as we sang our last closing song I thought of Grandpa Miller and that day in January when he was struggling to breath and I took his hand and whispered in his ear it’s ok, go be with Jesus. And then grandpa took his last breath. But I knew then just like I know now, one day I will see him again.

Danny is an amazing guy who looks great for his age. He and his wife sang at nursing homes pre covid and he just started back up again by himself. I know those people enjoy it way more than I do. Everyone in the group was awesome and we all learned we are fairly normal in grief. I don’t have permission to share their stories but they would all agree if you are struggling with grief find a grief share group and just do it.

Mole Moral ~ The most growth often comes when you jump out of your comfort zone.