Tag Archives: church

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My Major Award

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A little over two weeks ago I received a daisy nomination from my co-worker Ally for being a resource in endo and the care I have given to patients in the past by following up with them on the floor after procedures. That same day Kelly (she volunteers at Kesem Wash U with me as Nurse Needles) says to me, well I guess you didn’t get the Mission in Motion award. I looked at her very confused and she said I nominated you months ago for your involvement with Camp Kesem and I guess it’s all over with. Three days later Ally texted me to tell me I had won the award. I said oh please go to tell Kelly as I was off and I knew Kelly was working. Later on that afternoon Ally texted me to say Jodi wanted to know if I was working Monday so I said I better make sure my hair is in place for photos.

Monday came and nothing happened so I thought well I will make sure my hair looks good for Tuesday. On Tuesday the Chief Nursing Officer and two others showed up with a gorgeous Poinsettia and read to me what Kelly had said and that I had won this award. This is one of the highest honors a nurse can receive which honors employees who exemplify these values through their exceptional service and dedication to patients and their families both at work and in the community. Sadly, I do not have a copy of what she had written and of course it was months ago so she doesn’t exactly remember. However, it had to do with all the camps that I volunteer at and how much the kids love me. So the CNO then says to me, “you have your award right.” I was like no, so the charge nurse runs over to the managers office who it out sick and it is not there. I crack up laughing and say of course this always happens to me. I shared with them the story of it raining two inches the night before I was to visit Death Valley and the flood washed out roads and I didn’t get to see everything I had planned on seeing. So they assured me they would find it and give it to me.

At the end of the shift Sarah was checking her email and received a weird email so I said let me see if I received one too. Imagine my horror when I discovered the previous Friday was the brick ceremony and I received a brick with my name on it and was not there for it. I walked downstairs and found the brick and took photos. I then came back upstairs and was an emotional wreck. I also learned there was a luncheon that I also missed out on. The next day at work I emailed the CNO and the president of the hospital to let them know how upset I was that I missed that and that no one had told me about this. I heard back from the CNO a couple days later and then the president of the hospital called me personally a week later. When I looked at my caller ID and it said his name, my first thought OMG I’m in trouble. Then I said calm down and answered the phone. He was extremely apologetic and told me my award was sitting on the CNO’s desk. He offered to mail it to me but I said I am working tomorrow I can stop by and pick it up. He said that was fine and I said I would have to work up the nerve because administration is scary.

I told my co-workers all I wanted was a picture of me holding the brick. Clare and I had went down the next morning and discovered the bricks are not cemented in so taking it out would be very easy. I decided we should do this on a Monday when everyone is working including Kelly as I wanted her to share this joy with me.

Ally made a poster on Friday and on Monday she said she was hanging it up in the break room so it wouldn’t get messed up. I was like no one knows who Nurse Red is and she said “that’s ok, we will tell them.” I woke up at 4am as I was very excited and around 11:30 Kelly who was working in the room with me asked if it was ok for if she stepped out for five minutes to take care of something. I said sure but asked her what she was up to. She replied nothing and I said you are acting suspicious. As I was walking past the break room I noticed it smelled wonderful and thought anesthesia must have bought us food. Both rooms finished with morning cases at the same time so I said great let’s go do the brick. When they told me no let’s go to the break room first I became very suspicious. The food was for me and I had a cake and everything. The sneaky snakes I work with got together with the girls that get our patients ready and send home and planned a pot luck. Kelly had ordered pretzels which is why she needed to step out.

Dr. Cockerell joined us for lunch and went down to the bricks. The garden area where the bricks are located is just outside the cafeteria. So Ally is holding the sign she made and as we walked through the cafeteria and is yelling congratulations to our Mission in Motion winner. I like a little attention but this was over the top. I turned bright red but did indeed survive. We went outside and Dr. Cockerell took the brick out and handed it to me. It was so much fun.

No fear of destruction of property. And my favorite CRNA Matt is photo bombing us!
An awesome moment
Matt took the photo for us. I was so excited he could join us!
Ally who made the poster!
Matt, Clare and I
Me returning the brick as if nothing ever happened.

Somehow Nurse Needles did not see us leave so I demanded a photo with her because without her this would have never happened. As we walked back through the cafeteria rest assured Ally was still yelling congratulations to our award winner. I ignored the impulse to hide in the corner.

Nurse Needles and Nurse Red

I have the most amazing co-workers! They knew how devastated that I was for missing the actual award ceremony and created something one thousand times better! I actually love Camp Kesem and all of the kids. I do not do what I do for awards or recognition. I actually do this for the kids. If they do not have a nurse, camp cannot happen. It is also a great excuse to act as a kid as I participate in song circles, scream sing and do the hand motions. It is a nice throw back to when my kids were young and my church put on Kid Stuf. Yes, I would go without them because I enjoyed it so much. I had a really rough time after camp was over this year because someone I thought was a friend had lied to me about everything. I fully believe God inspired Nurse Needles to nominate me to remind me of why I do these camps in the first place.

Mole Moral ~ Good things come to those who wait.

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The Flip Side 1 and 2

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The theme for Big Stuf this year is the flip side. Basically how you see yourself versus how others (God) sees you. The question was asked what are you known for? This has changed over the years.

When I was young I was known for having divorced parents and ruined for life. My parents divorced in 1972 when it was not cool or normal at all. I spent a good portion of my life proving everyone who said that wrong. My goal was to become a nurse, get a masters degree and rock life. Somehow I met this guy named Brian at the beginning of nursing school and ended up married with three kids and a bachelors degree instead. He will receive a jewel in his crown in Heaven for dealing with me for the past forty years. We will be married thirty-five years this October which made our girls unusual because their parents are still married.

Also in my younger years I was known for having a big chest. Back in 1978, the only person with breast implants was Dolly Parton and no one had a big chest. I was teased horribly throughout middle school. My dad had brought me a T-shirt back from his trip to Colorado which said Colorado on it. I was called Colorado mountains. Mount St Helens erupted during this time so I was called Mount St. Rachel’s. After my junior year in high school I had a breast reduction and to this day I cannot understand why anyone would want implants.

About eight years ago my boss introduced me to the new social worker for our floor. She said “this is Rachel and she’s high energy”. I looked at her as if she was insane and asked do you really think that? She was like yes for sure. I did finally embrace that description. It was surely evident two weeks ago at my first Kesem camp of the summer. The camp site had horrible hills and was totally spread out. I averaged about ten miles a day. The other nurse who was half of my age was dying by the second day. She had to lay down as her feet were killing her. I found myself running up and down the hills twice as much as the younger kids. I must agree with high energy.

Jesus can flip your story as evidenced by Mary Magdalene. She was known as being possessed by seven demons. I actually thought she was a prostitute. She became one of Jesus close followers and the first to see him after he came back from the dead. Of course she didn’t recognize him and thought he was the gardener. I could see myself thinking that as well. The name Magdalene was thought to mean tower of faith. Something I had never heard.

Mole Moral ~ How God sees us is one thousand times better than we see ourselves.

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Big Stuf Homecoming Wrap Up

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I did not write as much this camp because I couldn’t stop talking to my roommate Kristin. The one who is just barely older than Emily. I had a great week with her and hoping she not only comes next year but stays with me. She was a great help with removing splinters, cleaning scrapes and applying bandaids. She said but “I’m not a nurse.” I informed her she’s a mom and can handle 90% of the kids issues.

I missed session five which is almost always the accept Jesus into your heart night. We had thirty kids stand up for the first time to accept Jesus. There was more talk about the prodigal son so by missing it I thought I was safe. Wrong answer! It continued through the last two sessions. I did not take notes for seven because after the fire alarm and evacuating the building for almost an hour, my mind was not there. Plus the speaker was so engaging I decided to give full attention.

Meredith is the first girl speaker I ever remember and she started off a little slow but had the audience fully engaged rather quickly. On a side note last year my church implemented a rule that students hand over phones to leaders before session starts and get them back after small group. No one seemed to even complain about it this year.

House Rules of God

1. We have a good Father who meets us exactly where we are. In the story he meets the younger brother right in the mess he is in and accepts him the way he is. He also met the older brother where he was on the straight and narrow path. Home is the place we come and stay when it is safe to be real. So many people don’t even have a place where they feel safe to be their real self.

2. In God’s house we must address our obsession with self. The average American touches their phone two thousand six hundred and seventy times a day. Mine is probably five thousand. The world is curated to feed self. Just think of social media which this obsession is not working. America has dropped out of the top twenty for happy people. It’s almost impossible to be happy or content with what is fed to us on social media. Everyone looks perfect, only posts perfection and happy stories and seem to have everything they want. It’s all false and destructive. God loves us how he made us, not how we compare to everyone else.

3. We need to see one another as brother and sister and label each other this way. Labels matter and I’m going to be real it can be quite fun to label those that are not like me. It makes me feel better about myself but what does it do for the one who is labeled. I should know better as I was teased horribly in middle school. Brother and sister not dork and dork junior. God gives us all a label and it’s quite simple. Child of God.

4. We see ourself as son or daughter. That’s our label.

This was by far the best camp since my very first. Maybe because they had a song that matched the theme. I recommend listening to Homecoming by Bethel music. It is a great song and the entire theme of camp went along with this. My first camp was Broadcast and it also had a song. I just felt this year was intentional from start to finish and once again the best week of the year.

Mole Moral 30 kids accepted Christ plus 27 were baptized in the ocean equals an amazing week.

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The Prodigal Son

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This mornings session talked about the story of the prodigal son. The kid who asked for his inheritance early then left home squandered it away and ended up cleaning pig pens. Upon his return home to ask his dad for a job he was welcomed with open arms and a big party thrown for him. The older son who stayed and worked the farm and did not spend his money was mad and refused to join the welcome home party. Basically no matter what we do or how far we wander God welcomes us back with open arms.

This story always sends me back to a certain Christmas Eve. If I had to guess the year I’d say it was 2015. This would be the last year my mom and dad celebrated Christmas Eve together as they had done every year since I could remember. Looking back on it my dad purposefully picked a fight with my mom and threw this story in her face. It got so bad my mom left and I retreated into myself. After this my dad would come in the afternoon and my mom in the evening up until 2019, the last time I saw my dad alive.

So I veered off course, no surprise there. The question was raised which son are you. The speaker admitted he was the wild one and high school left him with regrets. I am the one that stays behind that does it all right and then gets annoyed that the rule breakers are in the same spot as me. However if I’m really honest my life has been a lot easier than the crazy folks. My favorite line from this morning, sin comes prepackaged with consequences you often don’t see coming and sometimes it’s years later. As for me way too afraid of those consequences so pretty much stayed the straight arrow course. If you don’t believe me, ask my husband. He’s called me square and lamo all our life. He will never admit this to me but it’s the way he really wants it.

I’m hanging with a kid tonight and missing session. She feels bad and I said nah I know what tonight is about so no need to feel bad. This is what I’m here for and it keeps me needed.

Mole Moral ~ The straight and narrow path may be a tad boring but it sure is a thousand times easier than the crooked wide path.

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Big Stuf

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I just finished session three and haven’t written a thing until now. This years theme is Homecoming. The first night was name three words that come to your mind when you think about your home. Mine were safe, comfy and crazy in that order. Interesting choice but could also add loud and noisy although now that the birds are out of the nest it’s not as loud. But I also thought of the kids in the room whose adjectives would be more like lonely, stiff, harsh, stressful, unfeeling and then I stopped myself because life is so freaking hard for kids these days.

Ever since my first camp in 2008 when the theme was Broadcast, I have said I wish every teenager could attend this camp just once in their life. Tonight I was reminded of why I feel this way and felt all over again what makes me say this. I went to camp originally because Kayla was so shy and barely talked. The song How He Loves was new and was written for a best friend that was killed in a car accident

Between Big Stuf and that song I was hit by a ton of bricks and smacked upside the head by God. Prior to this week, I had never FELT love. I knew people loved me but I never felt it. I remember getting home from camp and telling Brian this and him telling me that was the stupidest thing he ever heard and I was wrong people loved me. I remember thinking in my head actually you are the one who is stupid. You don’t even know what feelings are much less how to express them.

So tonight when the band sang it, they sang the original version “and Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart beats violently inside my chest when I think about the way he loves us.” When David Crowder recorded it he changed it to “when Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss.” I always preferred the sloppy wet version. The song is about how messy life really gets and yet God is there unchanged. It actually fits in perfect with the theme this week.

Mole moral~ I’ll say it loud for the people in the back, I wish everyone could attend this camp just one time in their life.

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Danny

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Sometime around Christmas or maybe after a girl named Kathy spoke at church about a group starting called grief share. I just felt God telling me to go to this. I have done fairly well with my fathers death but perhaps he wanted me there to help others. So I signed up but only made it to about half of them. I plan to repeat it in the fall since I missed the one on heaven as well as a few others.

The very first night I met Danny. Before I proceed I asked his permission to share a little of his story because the rule is what is shared in group stays in group. That night I learned he was married for 51 years. (I thought he was maybe 65 at the most but that math doesn’t add up). His wife had passed away a year prior on a ventilator to covid. The visiting hours were horrible back then and I remember thinking I’m glad I worked in endo because I’m not sure I would have enforced the stupid visitor policies.

At the end of the session he played the guitar and we sang. Danny talks a lot. And by week two he reminded me so much of my Grandpa Miller that it made me happy and sad all at the same time. By the fifth week I couldn’t stand it anymore and asked when his birthday was because I wouldn’t have been the least bit surprised if it was May 23. (That is not only my grandpas birthday but Emily’s birthday who also never stops talking.) Much to my surprise his birthday is two days before my husbands. As much as he talks and is such a good story teller I would have sworn he was a Gemini.

He also had a corvette that he gave to one of his kids or maybe a grandkid. I try not to remember details and treat the group like hippa. So that just made me think of my dad, as my dad loved corvettes all his life. Tonight as we sang our last closing song I thought of Grandpa Miller and that day in January when he was struggling to breath and I took his hand and whispered in his ear it’s ok, go be with Jesus. And then grandpa took his last breath. But I knew then just like I know now, one day I will see him again.

Danny is an amazing guy who looks great for his age. He and his wife sang at nursing homes pre covid and he just started back up again by himself. I know those people enjoy it way more than I do. Everyone in the group was awesome and we all learned we are fairly normal in grief. I don’t have permission to share their stories but they would all agree if you are struggling with grief find a grief share group and just do it.

Mole Moral ~ The most growth often comes when you jump out of your comfort zone.

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The Altar Call

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Session five is always the night where the speaker leads kids to Jesus and at the end if they believe (for the first time) Jesus is who he says he is and that he died for us they stand up. Then after the session ends the group leaders chat with the kids who stood up.

This was a weekly thing in the Baptist church I attended from the age of six to twelve. Every Sunday at the end of church we would sing Just as I am with heads bowed while the preacher would say things such as if Jesus is calling you to come down to the front and you ignore him and die this week you will go to hell. As an adult I can see where they fully believed this and were passionate but as a kid this was as frightening as the thought of Hell. I am not even sure what age I was when I finally got the nerve to go down front and then was taken into a private room where a nice lady had her Bible out and we read some scripture and then prayed for Jesus to come into my heart. A lot of Christians can tell you the actual date they were saved, this hot mess here can’t even tell you the age she was much less a date.

Of course we sing before the talk started and I don’t even know the name of the song we were singing. It was new to me so cut me some slack. Anyway as we were singing it was like the room changed and all of a sudden I realized my father and his parents are singing straight up with Jesus and I could feel that presence which immediately made me start crying. And then all the kids who passed away in the burn unit came flying into my head. It was rare to lose a kid but we did and they all came back and most I hadn’t thought about in twenty years. But they are all up there too with my dad and Jesus. How awesome that day will be when I’m reunited with my Heavenly Father and all the special people who have gone before me.

Mole Moral ~ Earth is temporary while Heaven is forever!

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If You Know, You Know

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Big Stuf kicked off last night. The speaker was new to camp and his name is Noah Herrin. It seems his job is speaking around the country and not tied to Atlanta like a lot of the speakers have been.

The theme of camp this year is HELLO. Jesus says hello in the form of I am and fill in the blank. They told us to fill in blank and my answer I am sick. Some people yelled out excited and things like that.

The recurring theme of the talk was you can either know of Jesus or know Jesus. Knowing of him gives you knowledge and can change some things while actually knowing him changes everything. He then told us the story of Andrew meeting Jesus. Jesus came walking by and Andrew just started walking with him. I would have started running if some dude was following me. But since Jesus is bold he straight up asked Andrew what he was doing. Shortly after Andrew asked where he was staying. If some rando asked me where I was staying I might call 911. But again Jesus is not me (that’s a very good thing) and invited him to come and see. And then Andrew joined him and after one day ran home and got his brother. I always wondered why Simon’s name was changed to Peter. Simon means shaky and unstable while Peter means rock and steady. I thought that was pretty cool. I wonder what Jesus would change my name to?

Noah likened following Jesus to cliff jumping. His friends invited him and he wasn’t so sure but he did jump and found out he enjoyed it. He said now if he would have stood on the cliff and watched or hung out at the bottom and watched, it would not be the same experience. He hopes everyone meets Jesus this week. That sentence right there flashed me back to my first camp of 2008. I would say yes I met Jesus right then and there and for the first time in 41 years I could finally feel love. Before this I knew people loved me but I never felt it. This is another example of you know, you know. If you don’t be glad because I missed out on a lot up until that point in my life. So just like the speaker I hope every kid here leaves knowing God loves them!

Mole Moral ~ Even so sick I should have stayed home, camp is amazing and worth potentially never getting better!

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The Comparison Game

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Session two did not disappoint. They dove right in to a big topic that tied into my blog earlier this morning. Comparing ourselves to others is instinctual. No one even needs to be taught this. Can you imagine a class called comparison 101 identifying your perceived short comings by focusing on others. This little game can ruin friendship, marriages and lives and social media has poured gas on this behavior and set it on fire.

How many times do we compare our real life to someone’s filtered life posts on social media. How many times do you look at something and think I could never be that great. This is a direct result of real versus reel. Your real life compared to someone’s highlight reel. They post only the best parts of their life and leave the crappy stuff off. Think about this the next time you are scrolling social media.

The comparison game is as meaningless as chasing wind and trying to catch it. It leads to a lose lose situation. Either you feel inferior to others or superior to others. I’ve experienced both but I will share a superior story that came to mind. It actually started as inferior and later turned to superior. My parents divorced when I was five in 1972. My parents were told my sister and I were ruined because they chose not to stay married. I spent my early years proving these people wrong. I graduated from college with a bachelors degree in nursing, the first in my family. I got married and am still married thirty one years later. I have a job I enjoy ninety-five percent of the time. I have three girls who are doing well regardless of the fact their parents stayed married while everyone else was getting divorced. I have to watch myself not to look at those whose parents stayed together and start comparing how they turned out compared to me. In the grand scheme of things it’s irrelevant.

Their is only one of me (thank goodness for everyone’s sake) and only I can do me and no one else. If only I could remember and live this out all the time, I wouldn’t have time for comparisons.

Mole Moral ~ If I could have one wish it would be this, that every single teenager could experience Big Stuf camp at least once in their life!

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Peter and Andrew

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Today in church Pastor Herc gave a run down on the twelve disciples and their personalities. He was making the point that Jesus didn’t pick his team based on the strongest, best traits and abilities like we humans do. Just think back to school days when teams were picked for gym. The least athletic were always chosen last and I was one of them. This was one of the best talks in a long time so I paid close attention to figure out which guy I was most like and it ended up in a tie.

Peter whose name was originally Simon has a lot of my traits. He tended to shoot of his mouth and say things without really thinking. The biggest was saying he would never deny Jesus and yet he did not only once but three times in the same night. It reminds me of the time I said to a patient, I would rather be dead than him. He had lost all four extremities to meningitis. Luckily, he forgave me for about the most insensitive comment I ever made and has gone on to do great things.

I did not realize Andrew was Simon Peters brother and often referred to that way. So no matter what he did he was always over shadowed by his brothers greatness. How annoying that must have been. I often feel this way about my work. I am the invisible nurse. I do a great job but no one seems to remember and rarely am I ever mentioned by name. I know a big part of this is because I take people right after they have surgery when they are still under anesthesia. I am ok with this most of the time but every once in a while when I see the girls with four and five daisy awards or mentioned over and over in patient rounding I get a little jealous and annoyed. I do try to remember what Jesus said in Matthew 6:1-4

1 “Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. 2 “So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

 

Mole Moral ~ It’s much better to be Peter and Andrew than Judas of Iscariot!