Tag Archives: God

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My Major Award

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A little over two weeks ago I received a daisy nomination from my co-worker Ally for being a resource in endo and the care I have given to patients in the past by following up with them on the floor after procedures. That same day Kelly (she volunteers at Kesem Wash U with me as Nurse Needles) says to me, well I guess you didn’t get the Mission in Motion award. I looked at her very confused and she said I nominated you months ago for your involvement with Camp Kesem and I guess it’s all over with. Three days later Ally texted me to tell me I had won the award. I said oh please go to tell Kelly as I was off and I knew Kelly was working. Later on that afternoon Ally texted me to say Jodi wanted to know if I was working Monday so I said I better make sure my hair is in place for photos.

Monday came and nothing happened so I thought well I will make sure my hair looks good for Tuesday. On Tuesday the Chief Nursing Officer and two others showed up with a gorgeous Poinsettia and read to me what Kelly had said and that I had won this award. This is one of the highest honors a nurse can receive which honors employees who exemplify these values through their exceptional service and dedication to patients and their families both at work and in the community. Sadly, I do not have a copy of what she had written and of course it was months ago so she doesn’t exactly remember. However, it had to do with all the camps that I volunteer at and how much the kids love me. So the CNO then says to me, “you have your award right.” I was like no, so the charge nurse runs over to the managers office who it out sick and it is not there. I crack up laughing and say of course this always happens to me. I shared with them the story of it raining two inches the night before I was to visit Death Valley and the flood washed out roads and I didn’t get to see everything I had planned on seeing. So they assured me they would find it and give it to me.

At the end of the shift Sarah was checking her email and received a weird email so I said let me see if I received one too. Imagine my horror when I discovered the previous Friday was the brick ceremony and I received a brick with my name on it and was not there for it. I walked downstairs and found the brick and took photos. I then came back upstairs and was an emotional wreck. I also learned there was a luncheon that I also missed out on. The next day at work I emailed the CNO and the president of the hospital to let them know how upset I was that I missed that and that no one had told me about this. I heard back from the CNO a couple days later and then the president of the hospital called me personally a week later. When I looked at my caller ID and it said his name, my first thought OMG I’m in trouble. Then I said calm down and answered the phone. He was extremely apologetic and told me my award was sitting on the CNO’s desk. He offered to mail it to me but I said I am working tomorrow I can stop by and pick it up. He said that was fine and I said I would have to work up the nerve because administration is scary.

I told my co-workers all I wanted was a picture of me holding the brick. Clare and I had went down the next morning and discovered the bricks are not cemented in so taking it out would be very easy. I decided we should do this on a Monday when everyone is working including Kelly as I wanted her to share this joy with me.

Ally made a poster on Friday and on Monday she said she was hanging it up in the break room so it wouldn’t get messed up. I was like no one knows who Nurse Red is and she said “that’s ok, we will tell them.” I woke up at 4am as I was very excited and around 11:30 Kelly who was working in the room with me asked if it was ok for if she stepped out for five minutes to take care of something. I said sure but asked her what she was up to. She replied nothing and I said you are acting suspicious. As I was walking past the break room I noticed it smelled wonderful and thought anesthesia must have bought us food. Both rooms finished with morning cases at the same time so I said great let’s go do the brick. When they told me no let’s go to the break room first I became very suspicious. The food was for me and I had a cake and everything. The sneaky snakes I work with got together with the girls that get our patients ready and send home and planned a pot luck. Kelly had ordered pretzels which is why she needed to step out.

Dr. Cockerell joined us for lunch and went down to the bricks. The garden area where the bricks are located is just outside the cafeteria. So Ally is holding the sign she made and as we walked through the cafeteria and is yelling congratulations to our Mission in Motion winner. I like a little attention but this was over the top. I turned bright red but did indeed survive. We went outside and Dr. Cockerell took the brick out and handed it to me. It was so much fun.

No fear of destruction of property. And my favorite CRNA Matt is photo bombing us!
An awesome moment
Matt took the photo for us. I was so excited he could join us!
Ally who made the poster!
Matt, Clare and I
Me returning the brick as if nothing ever happened.

Somehow Nurse Needles did not see us leave so I demanded a photo with her because without her this would have never happened. As we walked back through the cafeteria rest assured Ally was still yelling congratulations to our award winner. I ignored the impulse to hide in the corner.

Nurse Needles and Nurse Red

I have the most amazing co-workers! They knew how devastated that I was for missing the actual award ceremony and created something one thousand times better! I actually love Camp Kesem and all of the kids. I do not do what I do for awards or recognition. I actually do this for the kids. If they do not have a nurse, camp cannot happen. It is also a great excuse to act as a kid as I participate in song circles, scream sing and do the hand motions. It is a nice throw back to when my kids were young and my church put on Kid Stuf. Yes, I would go without them because I enjoyed it so much. I had a really rough time after camp was over this year because someone I thought was a friend had lied to me about everything. I fully believe God inspired Nurse Needles to nominate me to remind me of why I do these camps in the first place.

Mole Moral ~ Good things come to those who wait.

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A Nickname Revealed

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Blake is the third kid God has put in my life through BigStuf camp. He was a seventh grader when I met him. I believe he was diagnosed at the age of six with type 1 diabetes and had an insulin pump. From my nursing experience most people with a pump know way better than any hospitalist how to manage their blood sugars. I have never worked with the pediatric population but I have a feeling the same is true. I wasn’t even nervous about Blake until the first morning when his sugar dropped to 40’s and he slept right through his alarm.

I’m pretty sure it was that first year he lost his insulin and didn’t say anything until his blood sugar was sky high and only reading high on his dexacom monitor. I knew it would take some time to get insulin called in locally and to get it picked up. Luckily, I had another type 1 who had insulin in my fridge Blake had syringes with him so he dosed himself with 20 units of regular. His mom got a hold of diabetic coordinator from Cardinal Glennon and I spent the next couple of hours on and off the phone with them. When I told them how much insulin Blake had dosed with, they said it was way too much and he would crash. However, that never happened and he only hit about 200. That just led me to believe his sugar was pretty high and I think his breakfast carb load was 65. About this time his leader found his insulin and we changed his pump site. I would find out later he texted his mom saying he thought he was going to die. The rule is, no one dies at camp, too much paperwork.

The next year I connected my phone to his blood sugar monitor. Now that was an eye opening scary experience for me. He would be alarming high 400 and then low 42. It was up and down the entire week. I had one friend I would share the numbers with to keep me from panicking. It was this year that Blake was given his nickname.

In the Mole family if we like you, you get a nickname. My girls friends all know theirs. We must love our dogs because they all have had many names. Now I’m horrible at remembering names, in part because of hippa. If I don’t know the patients name, I can’t get fired for talking about them. Because of Blake’s blood sugars all over the place I came up with blood sugar Blake. Of course I never told him this, I cannot remember if I ever told his mom.

Blake graduated from high school this year so it was his very last BigStuf. No better time than to reveal his nickname to him. He is going to be a paramedic/firefighter so I told him the same think I told a kid name Jack ten years ago. It doesn’t matter if you do CPR wrong, the person is dead and you can’t make them more dead. If you bring them back it’s a bonus. Blake told his friends my nickname and they all started calling him it. So I guess I didn’t offend him too much. This week he decided to try Lantus so he wouldn’t have to wear his pump. I never saw him for blood sugar issues so I’m assuming it was a nice break.

Somehow I managed to not take any pictures the other years. I can blame 2019 on my sabbatical before I changed jobs. 2021 my father had just died and I have zero memories of camp. Last year I was so sick with respiratory stuff (not covid, two negative tests) I didn’t even notice the band had changed. This year I was finally back to my old self and had an absolute blast!

Mole Moral~ Invest your time in others, the payoff is incredibly high and rewarding.

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Danny

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Sometime around Christmas or maybe after a girl named Kathy spoke at church about a group starting called grief share. I just felt God telling me to go to this. I have done fairly well with my fathers death but perhaps he wanted me there to help others. So I signed up but only made it to about half of them. I plan to repeat it in the fall since I missed the one on heaven as well as a few others.

The very first night I met Danny. Before I proceed I asked his permission to share a little of his story because the rule is what is shared in group stays in group. That night I learned he was married for 51 years. (I thought he was maybe 65 at the most but that math doesn’t add up). His wife had passed away a year prior on a ventilator to covid. The visiting hours were horrible back then and I remember thinking I’m glad I worked in endo because I’m not sure I would have enforced the stupid visitor policies.

At the end of the session he played the guitar and we sang. Danny talks a lot. And by week two he reminded me so much of my Grandpa Miller that it made me happy and sad all at the same time. By the fifth week I couldn’t stand it anymore and asked when his birthday was because I wouldn’t have been the least bit surprised if it was May 23. (That is not only my grandpas birthday but Emily’s birthday who also never stops talking.) Much to my surprise his birthday is two days before my husbands. As much as he talks and is such a good story teller I would have sworn he was a Gemini.

He also had a corvette that he gave to one of his kids or maybe a grandkid. I try not to remember details and treat the group like hippa. So that just made me think of my dad, as my dad loved corvettes all his life. Tonight as we sang our last closing song I thought of Grandpa Miller and that day in January when he was struggling to breath and I took his hand and whispered in his ear it’s ok, go be with Jesus. And then grandpa took his last breath. But I knew then just like I know now, one day I will see him again.

Danny is an amazing guy who looks great for his age. He and his wife sang at nursing homes pre covid and he just started back up again by himself. I know those people enjoy it way more than I do. Everyone in the group was awesome and we all learned we are fairly normal in grief. I don’t have permission to share their stories but they would all agree if you are struggling with grief find a grief share group and just do it.

Mole Moral ~ The most growth often comes when you jump out of your comfort zone.

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The Altar Call

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Session five is always the night where the speaker leads kids to Jesus and at the end if they believe (for the first time) Jesus is who he says he is and that he died for us they stand up. Then after the session ends the group leaders chat with the kids who stood up.

This was a weekly thing in the Baptist church I attended from the age of six to twelve. Every Sunday at the end of church we would sing Just as I am with heads bowed while the preacher would say things such as if Jesus is calling you to come down to the front and you ignore him and die this week you will go to hell. As an adult I can see where they fully believed this and were passionate but as a kid this was as frightening as the thought of Hell. I am not even sure what age I was when I finally got the nerve to go down front and then was taken into a private room where a nice lady had her Bible out and we read some scripture and then prayed for Jesus to come into my heart. A lot of Christians can tell you the actual date they were saved, this hot mess here can’t even tell you the age she was much less a date.

Of course we sing before the talk started and I don’t even know the name of the song we were singing. It was new to me so cut me some slack. Anyway as we were singing it was like the room changed and all of a sudden I realized my father and his parents are singing straight up with Jesus and I could feel that presence which immediately made me start crying. And then all the kids who passed away in the burn unit came flying into my head. It was rare to lose a kid but we did and they all came back and most I hadn’t thought about in twenty years. But they are all up there too with my dad and Jesus. How awesome that day will be when I’m reunited with my Heavenly Father and all the special people who have gone before me.

Mole Moral ~ Earth is temporary while Heaven is forever!

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Turn the Light On

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Jesus said “I am the light of the world!” While sin will lead down a path of darkness , following Jesus will lead you into the light.

Sin disguises itself as a pet when in reality it is a predator. Noah talked about a guy in South Africa that adopted a hippo as a pet. True story as I just looked it up. He was busy telling everyone it was like a son to him and as safe as a dog. Until the day the hippo chewed him up and killed him. Hippos kill more humans than lions. Just like sin, neither are your friends.

Confession to God and a trusted friend can help you fight your way out of bad choices. My favorite saying “everyone doesn’t need to know everything about you but someone should”. I have a friend like that and if she only hadn’t moved away. We had some good times on her front porch when I was freaking out!

So I promised The Who said I love you first story. Herc leaned over and asked so I told him. Anyway Brian was dropping me off at nursing school after Thanksgiving break. I had been trying to get the nerve up to say it for a couple weeks. So I’m pretty sure I blurted it out mid conversation. Yes he said it back, I ran up to my floor and told my two besties it finally happened. At least he didn’t throw up after I said it, like Noah’s now wife did. She had eaten bad fish the night before.

Mole Moral ~ Light is light, sin is darkness.

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The Key to Fishing

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I am writing about this mornings session in quite a bit of pain. I do not know what is going on with my right rib cage but the pain upon breathing has really ramped up since this morning. If I had a rash I’d diagnose myself with shingles since it seems to be along a nerve route. But it’s probably the American Mole Virus again. Ha.

So this morning Noah talked about fishing and what are you looking for in life. Is it social media affirmation, is it money, is it a good job, a place to belong, joy or a ring by spring. All of this stuff brings about temporary happiness. Just look at the famous people who have all of this but are still a mess and make insane decisions.

If you lean on Jesus and follow his ways you will have fulfillment that lasts. However this is easier said than done. Just like the best fisherman know where to fish because good fishing is choosing the right spot.

He told a story about a friend in high school that was in a very bad accident who should have died and if lived basically been a vegetable for life. But he proved everyone wrong and turned into a miracle and walked out of the hospital. He wasn’t the nicest person prior but after he made up his mind that he was so close to dying that now he would live. He changed his entire outlook became nice to others and would seek out those sitting alone. Noah invited him to youth group and he came and ended up with 400 plus kids attending from 100. It seems a life altering event always goes one of two ways. You change like the friend or you worry you are going to die for the rest of your life which must be a horrible way to live.

Mole Moral ~ Remember God loves you just as you are today. No need to straighten up before you meet him. I mean he deals with me on a daily basis so the rest of you are a piece of cake!

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If You Know, You Know

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Big Stuf kicked off last night. The speaker was new to camp and his name is Noah Herrin. It seems his job is speaking around the country and not tied to Atlanta like a lot of the speakers have been.

The theme of camp this year is HELLO. Jesus says hello in the form of I am and fill in the blank. They told us to fill in blank and my answer I am sick. Some people yelled out excited and things like that.

The recurring theme of the talk was you can either know of Jesus or know Jesus. Knowing of him gives you knowledge and can change some things while actually knowing him changes everything. He then told us the story of Andrew meeting Jesus. Jesus came walking by and Andrew just started walking with him. I would have started running if some dude was following me. But since Jesus is bold he straight up asked Andrew what he was doing. Shortly after Andrew asked where he was staying. If some rando asked me where I was staying I might call 911. But again Jesus is not me (that’s a very good thing) and invited him to come and see. And then Andrew joined him and after one day ran home and got his brother. I always wondered why Simon’s name was changed to Peter. Simon means shaky and unstable while Peter means rock and steady. I thought that was pretty cool. I wonder what Jesus would change my name to?

Noah likened following Jesus to cliff jumping. His friends invited him and he wasn’t so sure but he did jump and found out he enjoyed it. He said now if he would have stood on the cliff and watched or hung out at the bottom and watched, it would not be the same experience. He hopes everyone meets Jesus this week. That sentence right there flashed me back to my first camp of 2008. I would say yes I met Jesus right then and there and for the first time in 41 years I could finally feel love. Before this I knew people loved me but I never felt it. This is another example of you know, you know. If you don’t be glad because I missed out on a lot up until that point in my life. So just like the speaker I hope every kid here leaves knowing God loves them!

Mole Moral ~ Even so sick I should have stayed home, camp is amazing and worth potentially never getting better!

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Training

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Finding Jesus is easy, following Jesus is hard. Surely you do not grow in your comfort zone but when thrown out of it you either grow or die. I’ve worked with several people that were miserable in their job but so comfortable with the routine they have been stuck for years. Inertia is a mortal disaster. To succeed you must keep moving forward.

Godly training is good for all life to come. It’s rather simple in design but often times difficult to carry out. John 13:34-35 A new command I give you: love one another. As I have loved you, so must you love one another. By this everyone will know you are my disciples, if you love one another. I can only speak for myself but there are many people I know that are almost near impossible to love. They are so annoying or time demanding, or difficult that I often forget this simple commandment.

I’m trying to write this on the bus and it’s just not working. The kids are playing bingo and our new bus driver is horning people waiting till the last minute to get over in this traffic jam. The bus is egging her on to park the bus and kick butt. She’s quite the hoot and a good reminder of why the bus ride is one of my favorite parts of camp. I’ll leave you with the most profound statement from last night.

People do not abandon people they love. They abandon people they are using.

Mole Moral~ Love is hard, hate is harder. A week vacation is little to give up to show love to teenagers.

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Worry

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If you worry about things you cannot control then worry actually controls you. This word worry always remind me of my Grandma Carty. She was forty-five when my father was born and was convinced she would not live to see him graduate from high school. The first thing she told my mom when she met her was that she didn’t have long to live. I remember going to see her on the weekends and she was always worried she was going to die. Not only did she live to see her son graduate high school, she lived to see me graduate nursing school and my sister high school. I thought she lived to ninety-three but when I was looking at her death announcement a couple of weeks ago I believe she was ninety-one. So she lived over half her life worried that she was going to die soon.

Today’s talk was mostly about anxiety and depression which is a huge issue these days with a lot of people. The lockdown was not kind as we were created for community and not isolation. It is impossible to fake anxiety depression or worry but it’s easy to fake being ok. My own father faked being ok to me but it was easier for him because the last time I saw him was Christmas 2019. The real fear of covid for Brenda was a great excuse.

Currently one in six teenagers have considered suicide. This is a mental health issue not a sin. Self harm has also risen whether it be cutting, eating disorders, drug addiction etc. Anxiety is like rocking in a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but gets you nowhere. Stuart offered four things to help with anxiety.

1. Get control over the things you can control such as integrity, love and humility.

2. Get clear on whose opinion of you actually matters and no not all one thousand Instagram followers opinions matter. He suggested taking a small piece of paper such as a post it note and writing the names of these people on it. He called it the square squad and to let them know they are on you square squad and to help you.

3. Get honest about the things that really matter. Does it really matter if not everyone likes you?

4. Get help for the things you can’t control. He was referring to professionals such as counselors. I’m not sure why this country has such a stigma about asking for help. It’s almost as if you admit that you are weak and broken you are viewed as a loser and yet it takes a pretty strong person to admit they need help and go down the road to find themselves. Almost everyone is afraid they will find an ugly person when generally the beautifulness finally emerges through the process. It’s been a long time since I graduated counseling but it was by far the best thing I ever did. I almost left my husband during this time and if not for the love dare I’m not sure we’d be together. I daily blogged that on Facebook and the posts are on this blog if anyone wants to read.

This was my favorite service so far even though it started out a bit shaky. We were singing and I had my left foot resting on the chair. When I went to put it down, I got it all tangled up, lost my balance and almost fell. This would have been fine if I wasn’t sitting by Tom, Kathy and Herc. Tom leaned over and said I about gave him a heart attack. I said it’s ok this is kind of normal for me. This camp has been very low key for the nurse duties which has given me the quiet time I needed more than I realized.

Mole Moral ~ Emily’s life verse. 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

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Death

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Session five is always what I refer to as the altar call in the baptist church. Every single year Stuart does it differently and beautifully and this year did not disappoint. The bottom line ~ dead things don’t breath and religion leaves you breathless. We don’t need religion as our way to Jesus because Jesus has come to us.

His visual was amazing this year. He put these words on the steps.

God

Sacrifice

Priest

Temple

Laws

People

So we attempt to follow the laws which we constantly mess up thanks to sin. Back in Jesus day people would go to the temple to meet with a priest who would make a sacrifice to get right with God. This process is repeated over and over again. Stuart had a seventh grader running up and down the stairs while he was talking until the kid was near out of breath. He then had him stop and whipped out a slide. He told the kid to go to the top and he is now God. Then said don’t get a big head cause you aren’t really God. He had him slide down to represent Jesus coming to us.

Stuart addressed the only way to God is through Jesus issue. He said one solution is not exclusive if that solution is offered to everyone without exception. Stuart was diagnosed with covid at the end of March last year when it was brand new. He was on a ventilator and ended up having a heart attack as well. He was near death on more than one occasion. His kidney doctor called his wife and said I’d like to try a plasma exchange. I’m not sure if it will help. She did not say no I want to wait for other options she said if you think it might help do it. After all what other option do I have.

The final day of camp starts in about an hour and it’s going to be awesome.

Mole moral ~ The greatest commandment is love your God with all your heart soul and spirit and the second is like it, love your neighbor as yourself.